This Friday’s Feminist Fuck was about the woman who is up for Surgeon General. There are critics, but hardly anyone of any authority, who are saying that she is, literally, too fat for the job, something that was never spoken of so readily for Dr. Koop. However that’s not what this post is about. This post is about the double standards and privilege that many modern feminist expect.
Comments by random people about Dr Benjamin’s weight have met with, deserved scorn and derision from feminists. This was the comment that is causing such uproar: "it is only women that are judged by what they look like and whether that is going to determine whether they are qualified to do the job, as opposed to men that are just evaluated in whether they can do the job."
Now, I think this is the sort of hyperbole that completely destroys the credibility of feminism as a whole. When blanket statements are made about women, regardless of source or context, there is a great deal of women going on about the patriarchy and ‘Teh Menz’ (Yes this was actually used, but it’s ok, she’s a woman) keeping women down. The fact that a man dared to challenge that comment on Feministing, on her down turf (kudos to him) I think is what actually caused such an uproar. Not that anyone would admit this. The women called him a troll, generally talked down to him, insulted him, and then told him that if he wanted to trash women he should go to one those anti-women sites. (Which they bitch about those existing at all) All of this, while the guy was trying to argue, politely a point about the post. They, more or less, bullied this man into shutting up because they didn’t like what he had to say. But that’s not something they think women are capable of doing.
This is very indicative of what modern feminism is about. They don’t want equal treatment, they want special treatment. They write article after article about how something as meaningless as TV commercials, messages on underwear, and jokes by comedians damage women. As if the poor fragile innocent women are too weak to defend their poor minds against such things. As if women can’t handle having their fragile sensibilities challenged so the world must treat them with care. Well, fuck that! I don’t need a bunch of women like that looking out for me, I can deal with the world myself, thank you. Insulting t-shirts about women, bring it! I’ll wear them if I think they’re funny. TV commercials…I’m good consumer with a good idea of what marketing is, no sweat. Rape jokes, anti-women jokes, pedophilia jokes…funny as hell. And before you start going on about how insensitive I am, I was raped as a child, and I still think pedophilia jokes are hilarious.
So Fuck You, Feministing and all the other modern feminists out there who are too afraid to stand on your own. Equality means putting up the same crap everyone else does, not getting special treatment because you have a vagina.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Coversations (really long)
So I got an IM from someone today and it was an interesting conversation. That I am going to post a long with some of the thoughts I had while having. I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Other than that, everything is what was typed, typos and all. Most of the typos are mine actually. :D
[14:58] Him: Hello.
[14:58] Me: hi
[14:58] Him: How are you today?
[14:58] Me: not bad
[14:58] Me: yourself?
[14:59] Him: Not too bad, just getting ready for next semester.
[14:59] Him: You're from Denver right?
[14:59] Me: yes
[15:00] Him: Cool, how old are you again?
[15:00] Me: 32 why do you ask?
[15:00] Him: I dunno, looking for someone to hang out with.
[15:01] Me: ah..i see
[15:01] Him: Yeah, I'm 24 by the way.
[15:02] Me: ok
[15:02] Him: So what do you do?
[15:03] Me: I'm a housewife
[15:03] Him: Oh, you're married?
[15:03] Me: yes, it said so on my OKcupid profile when you talked to me before
[15:06] Him: I can't be expected to remember the stats of every pinchprick on the internet.
For those of you that don’t know, pinchprick is old British slang for whore. It was in the first five minutes that I realized this is a guy I stopped talking to because he threw a fit when I didn’t respond fast enough because I was AFK. A month or so after that I found out he called a friend of mine an ‘esoteric cunt’. He’s apparently making the rounds.
[15:07] Me: and that's why I stopped talking to you, because you behave like an insulting child
[15:07] Him: An insulting child?
[15:07] Him: Wow what a phrase...isn't quite correct english but whatever right?
[15:07] Him: It's not as if anything you say or do matter, you live in a microcosm.
This is another insult leveled at my friend as well. In my really unkind black little heart of hearts, I want to make comments about how he word drops just to show off. But I feel bad about that. You’ll see why further down.
[15:08] Me: oh really, considering you know nothing about my life, what makes you say that?
[15:08] Him: Well for one thing you're a housewife.
[15:08] Him: No woman I'd ever respect would do that...lol
[15:09] Me: oh so running a household is something to be disrespected?
[15:09] Him: Oh sure I hide contempt for such women, but only because it makes me look less desirable to real people.
I missed this one, apparently women who are housewives aren’t real people.
[15:09] Him: When you have the option to do anything you want and choose to be a housewife it's disappointing.
[15:10] Him: But maybe you're not intelligent enough for a career etc.. I don't know you like you said.
[15:10] Me: why, it's a fairly complicated job, that needs to be done, I do a lot things from bookkeeping, to construction, to cooking
[15:10] Me: what is to ashamed of?
[15:10] Me: can you hang dry wall?
[15:11] Him: No, I'm an a bookkeeper and will be a CPA next year.
[15:11] Him: Then I'm going to law school.
[15:12] Me: That explains so much
[15:12] Me: I have no reason to be ashamed of what I choose to do, and there are a lot of negative comments that are made about lawyers
[15:13] Him: Sure are.
[15:13] Him: The difference is that I'll have money to console me in my misery, instead of screaming children and piles of dishes.
[15:14] Me: Yes...because in our society, working on having a good loving family, rather then a dysfunctional one, is something to ashamed of....is that id?
[15:14] Me: oops it?
[15:14] Him: Lady, in this economy two working adults are required for any measure of security.
I don’t agree with this, and I was getting a little tichy, but I think it’s safe to say I was goaded. One income and properly managed investments, as well as living within your means, can do wonders.
[15:14] Me: The fact that my priorities are emotional rather then financial means I should hide my head in shame?
[15:14] Him: By the way you talk I'd say your husband is blue collar...
[15:14] Him: Either some type of construction or contracting.
[15:15] Me: Actually, since your so concerned, he has a profesional tech job
I thought tech jobs were white collar. I can see it either way, though; it is something of a grey area in the classic way of thinking about employment. I do consider his job something of a tech job. He does a lot of computer work, and it’s not customer service.
[15:15] Him: Blue collar still...lol
[15:15] Me: ...and as a few well placed investments, that keep us more then comfortable
[15:16] Him: Oh, I see.
[15:16] Him: And are you attracted to this man?
[15:16] Me: yes have been for some time
You can practically here the wheels turning. Really I should have indulged him, but it was a bit like watching a train wreck. I just couldn’t tear myself away.
[15:16] Him: Hmmm, and what background do you come from?
[15:17] Me: he's middle/upper-middle class
[15:17] Me: I'm tornado bait trailer trash, I married up
[15:17] Him: I see.
[15:18] Me: Lucky for me, he loves me anyway
[15:18] Him: Yes, lucky for you.
[15:18] Him: No woman like you will be lucky on my dollar.
[15:18] Me: That's your loss, because I'm a really good person, and he's lucky too.
[15:19] Him: I'm sure it's great for him though.
[15:19] Me: ...and if all you see is the money, you're going to be around a lot of shallow people
[15:19] Him: I'll bet you're more attractive physically, sexier.
[15:19] Him: No, I just see the world as it is.
[15:19] Him: Do you deny him anything in bed?
[15:20] Me: You're 24, you speak as if you come from a privileged background, you haven't lived long enough to know the world, or the people in it
[15:20] Him: Haha...
[15:20] Me: Not that's it's any of your business, but no I don't
[15:20] Him: If you only knew.
[15:20] Him: Exactly, other women have certainly denied him.
[15:20] Me: Not really, women like him in bed
[15:20] Him: But you wouldn't deny him anything, hence the reason you're married.
[15:21] Him: You know this? Have had threesomes etc..?
[15:21] Me: Not with other women, but I've been friends with his lovers, yes I know this.
[15:21] Him: Oh I see.
[15:21] Him: Well I'd rather be with an intelligent woman with some courage and ability than have an open sexual arena.
Now, I answered a lot of those questions, because I am a very open person about my sexuality. I like to know about other people’s and the best way to do that is to not hide yours. I do have to admit that there was a bit of baiting going on as well. By this point I was just curious to see what he’d say and how far he was willing to go in being abusive.
As for the last comment here, there are very few people who know me who would say that I’m not intelligent, courageous, or have ability. There’s an underlying idea that if you have an open relationship you have no standards and will have sex with anyone. This is true for some, but I’m a picky bitch. :D
[15:22] Him: And just FYI, I do come from a very checkered background.
[15:22] Me: Well having an open relationship just means he has lots of intelligent women.
[15:22] Him: I've also worked for some very sick and twisted professionals who married women like you.
[15:22] Me: Women like me?
[15:22] Him: Yes...domesticated.
[15:23] Me: You say that like it's a bad thing. Being domesticated does not make me stupid.
[15:23] Me: It's simply a different and varied skill set.
[15:24] Him: No of course not.
[15:24] Him: I'm sure you know a lot about foreign affairs, art and a slew of other interesting things don't you?
I’ve come across a few people who narrowly define things, such as intelligence, but their own specific interests. While I think this is a natural human reaction, it’s a problem. There is more that defines intelligence and wisdom, other then just a few select issues.
[15:24] Him: Why, I bet you spend your down time at home reading Tolstoy, not on the internet.
[15:25] Me: I know bit, I pay more attention to US affairs rather then foriegn, and I'm not fan of Tolstoy
[15:25] Him: Oh, more into Dosteyevsky?
[15:25] Him: It's always one or the other isn't it?
[15:26] Me: Considering the current political climate I would Kafka is more appropriate
[15:26] Him: Tolstoy or Dosteyevsky...meh
[15:26] Him: Kafka!
[15:26] Him: No fucking way buddy, try Nietzsche.
[15:26] Him: Or Camus...
[15:27] Him: There's no metamorphosis about what's occurring in the world right now, it's obvious to anyone.
[15:27] Me: Fascist government taking over until there is violently revolution and likely balkanization?
[15:28] Him: Nah.
[15:28] Me: Darn! I was so hoping for revolution.
[15:28] Him: Then take part.
Sarcasm seems lost on him. However, to be fair, it is the internet and it’s hard for these things to come through.
[15:28] Him: So you have an open marriage?
[15:29] Me: I likely will and yes I do
[15:29] Him: Oh my, so you fuck other men?
[15:29] Me: On occaision, if I like them
[15:29] Him: Oh I see.
[15:29] Him: Are you into anal?
There are things even I won’t answer. What’s amusing is that I’m not for a number of fairly big psychological issues that will probably make its way into another entry some day.
[15:30] Me: That's none of your business
[15:30] Him: You are, ok.
[15:30] Me: I didn't anwer the question. There's a difference.
[15:31] Him: You did answer it though, in your own way.
[15:31] Me: Think what you like
[15:31] Him: Know what I like really, it's a good quality.
[15:32] Me: good quality?
He never said good quality what, though. People, relationships, sex, hair cream?
[15:32] Him: Certainly, I know what I like and what I want.
[15:32] Me: Well that helps in getting it.
[15:32] Him: You for instance, might be good for a roll in the hay but I wouldn't spend the rest of my life with you.
[15:33] Him: *might* in italics.
[15:33] Me: I wonderful for a roll in the hay, but I wouldn't sleep with you.
It’s here that the insecurity of this man begins to become truly transparent. At first I was insulted, but the longer this went, I actually started to feel sorry for this guy.
[15:33] Him: Of course not, because we aren't compatible even there.
[15:33] Him: Too much mutual contempt.
[15:33] Me: That we can agree on.
[15:34] Him: You see me as an arrogant bastard, and I see you as an accomplisment-less pinchprick housewife.
While calling me a whore doesn’t really bother me, it’s one of those insults that just has no affect. The accomplishment-less remark did have the sting of truth. I have had many times where I look at my life and wonder what has made my life worth it. On the other, if this is what you need to do to yourself to accomplish anything, I’ll stay where I am.
[15:34] Him: And you'd go on about how your children are such an accomplishment and blah blah blah.
[15:34] Me: Do you see any difference between a whore and a housewife? and beyong that...what's wrong with prostitution?
Yes I think prostitution is a reasonable job and should be legal. But that’s a whole other post, as well.
[15:34] Him: And I'd say, 'Well I feel sorry for your daughters, what kind of example are you setting for a little girl'?
[15:35] Me: For record...I have no children, so how could I have done that?
[15:35] Him: Oh God..
[15:35] Him: Wow lady, WOW!
[15:35] Him: Oh my Jesus, you just sit at home all day?
[15:35] Him: Motherfucker you're lazy.
[15:36] Me: No, we have an old house we're remodeling
[15:36] Him: Oh, uh huh.
Actually we do, and I know how to play with power tools.
[15:36] Him: And what did you do before you struck it rich with this guy?
[15:37] Me: Well considering we've been married for 10 years, I put him through school
So I stretched things a little here. This is true, but it was only a two year degree.
[15:37] Him: And now you have no children and both fuck other people.
[15:37] Him: My my, I wouldn't want to face the world either.
[15:37] Him: You have my pity.
[15:37] Me: Yes because of course a married is nothing but sex and children
[15:38] Me: and I do face the world
[15:38] Him: Yes, to buy milk and bread.
[15:38] Me: ....and read selected works to an audience naked, don't forget that.
[15:38] Him: Yeah right, that's likely.
I will be amazed and amused if he actually tracks down the event and shows up. Capt. Booty will have him for breakfast.
[15:39] Him: Are you into S&M?
This I actively ignored.
[15:39] Me: it's called Naked Girls who Read, Denver's first even is in August.
[15:39] Him: Ok, if you show me your lhabia I'll tip you a dollar.
[15:39] Me: ...and you wonder why you're looking for someone to hang out with.
[15:40] Him: I don't wonder at all.
[15:40] Him: I'm well aware of both sides of the equation.
[15:40] Me: So you choose to have a rude and mean attitude towards people?
[15:40] Him: Certainly
[15:40] Him: But not if I respect them, but that's rare.
[15:41] Me: Yes but you behave like a pedantic jerk, who would want your respect?
[15:41] Him: Irrelevant.
He says this a lot.
[15:41] Me: From you behavior and how you talk, there's nothing there
[15:42] Me: Having your respect means less then nothing
[15:42] Him: From your ability to type, and moreover live your life you don't deserve my respect.
I’m not the best typist on IM, but really…judging people by their typo’s is bad, even by my standards.
[15:42] Me: Good, that's most people will think I'm a good person
[15:42] Him: You're probably one of those pseudo-intellectual flakes I see at First Friday...
[15:42] Him: Probably had to grow and decided to do it with a man who would take care of you...lol
[15:43] Me: No...I met him in college, fell in love with him when he was a cook at bar, it's all romantic
It was too, love at first sight, Rocky Horror…*sigh*
\
[15:44] Him: I'm thinking of getting an ASUS laptop.
[15:44] Him: Yeah, real romantic.
[15:44] Him: And now you both fuck other people and don't have children.
[15:44] Me: You are really hung up on the open relationship aren't you
[15:44] Him: Tell me something...do you not have children because you don't want them or because you wouldn't want them exposed to your maniacal menagerie of a marriage?
[15:45] Him: I just think it's very fitting, to be honest I have nothing but resent for most artists, and this is just rich for me.
[15:45] Me: I don't have them because I haven't gotten pregnant, yet.
[15:45] Him: Oh I see, so you'll share you occupied womb with other men?
[15:45] Me: You clearly do not understand how a relationship like that works.
[15:46] Him: Nope, not at all.
[15:46] Him: I mean it's special right?
[15:46] Me: Maybe...maybe not, depends on the situation
[15:46] Him: Your husband can't get another woman pregnant.
[15:46] Him: Wouldn't have to share your nest money to pay for that child.
[15:46] Me: Perhaps you should at least learn a little before you talk too much about it
[15:46] Him: Ten years and no baby, sounds like one of you is fucked up biologically.
[15:46] Him: Lady, I worked in a bondage club lol, I know all about it.
It was at this point that I really started to get the impression that this poor kid has really had a bad life and is just looking for someone to take it out on. Again, I know I should have just ended it, but….train wreck.
[15:47] Me: If he did get a woman pregnant, we'd take in child and raise it just fine
[15:47] Him: Take it huh?
[15:47] Him: Let me tell you a secret, no woman would let that go down...nor would she have to.
[15:47] Me: So no woman has ever given a child up?
[15:47] Him: And NO self-respecting woman would let degenerate people raise their baby.
[15:48] Me: So we're degenerates now.
[15:48] Him: Do you know what Social Services would do?
[15:48] Him: They'd take that child in a heartbeat.
[15:48] Me: For what cause?
[15:48] Him: Lewd conduct I'm sure.
[15:49] Me: What lewd conduct? It's not like I'd do anything in front of a child.
[15:49] Him: Oh no, but the kid knows it's going down.
[15:49] Him: Kids aren't stupid.
[15:49] Him: I grew up in a similar enviornment.
[15:49] Him: And guess where I ended up?
[15:49] Him: But you're an artist, you read and all...you know more than I do.
[15:50] Me: Yes but your situation an stable relationship or was someone having an affair?
[15:50] Him: Open relationship etc..
[15:50] Him: People coming and going, I realized my mother was a whore and talked to a counselor about it.. Fin
This says so much. His life was not good, therefore everyone must be like his mother. There are times when the issues are so psychologically classic, that you wonder if it’s a put on.
Also the knee jerk ‘for the children’ philosophy is something that is ingrained in our culture. If we don’t like something then it must be bad for children. The idea that alternative sexuality is the same as pedophilia comes from that. Regardless of the fact that open and poly relationships are have nothing to with children, sexually, he’s right in that, if reported, CPS likely would take the children away. It’s sad, but true.
[15:51] Me: You should go back...you still have a lot of bitterness.
[15:51] Him: I'm going to law school.
[15:51] Him: With all my bitterness, and contempt and arrogance.
[15:51] Me: What has that to with you being a toxic person who is hurting yourself more then anyone else?
[15:51] Him: I'll ride the seething black liquid of hate all the way to the top, and do whatever I please.
[15:51] Him: than*
[15:52] Him: I'm not hurting myself, I'm improving myself.
[15:52] Me: You're still going to be unhappy.
[15:52] Him: Irrelavent.
[15:52] Him: I have a child to take care of.
[15:52] Me: With what you're carrying around, nothing you do will be enough to fix it.
[15:52] Me: ...and that bitterness, kids can tell, they're not stupid.
[15:53] Me: You child will know you unhappy, and as all children do, will think it's their own fault.
[15:53] Him: Better to be bitter sometimes than some whore.
[15:53] Him: you're*
[15:53] Me: Better to be happy and a good father, then anything else.
[15:53] Him: Lady I'm bitter because of not being able to see my son.
[15:53] Him: That's the biggest part, so once that's over I'm golden.
[15:54] Me: How old is your son?
[15:54] Him: His cunt of a mother is beyond reproach, even worse than say, you are.
[15:54] Him: Irrelevant.
[15:54] Me: Fair enough.
[15:54] Him: Anyway, losing a child due to the whoring and hateful ways of a woman will cause bitterness.
[15:55] Him: And yes, propel a high school dropout into law school.
[15:55] Me: Yes this is true, but it still hurts you more then anyone else.
[15:55] Him: than*
[15:55] Him: Then refers to past-tense...
[15:55] Him: Please learn the difference.
[15:55] Me: pedantic
[15:55] Him: Lethargic...
[15:55] Him: Slovenly...
[15:56] Him: Unkept...
[15:56] Him: English.
Again, classic responses. Obviously, if I can’t type and don’t have proper grammer, then the content of what I’m saying is suspect and he doesn’t have to listen. Now if he had addressed my content and just said I was full of it, he might have won that.
[15:56] Me: You're focusing on the lest important aspects of what I'm saying
[15:56] Him: Lady, I'm in no position financially to do anything about my son.
[15:56] Him: I already dropped 10k on it my first year of school.
[15:56] Him: School, work and a custody battle.
[15:57] Me: Those are the priorities you have set for yourself, if you're not happy about it, change it.
[15:57] Him: But once I'm a CPA, once that 60k rolls in I'll go to war again.
[15:57] Him: I'm content, there is nothing I can do until I'm out of school.
[15:58] Me: Then getting rid of some of that bitterness before you gain custody, would be a good thing.
[15:58] Me: It won't go away just because you son comes home.
[15:58] Him: Again, irrelevant.
[15:59] Him: My bitterness is all I have.
[15:59] Him: Without it I'd be back in art school.
[15:59] Him: ;)
[15:59] Me: You have your love for you son, is that nothing?
[15:59] Him: I've been on both sides of the fence, and honestly I prefer this one.
[15:59] Him: Pray you never end up in family court, because there love truly is nothing.
[16:00] Him: Not without the $ to back it up.
[16:00] Me: I was talking about you emotional state. You have made choices that will be harmful to yourself in the long run.
[16:00] Him: I went in there with love and believe me it's nothing there. What counts there is composure, stability and $.
[16:00] Him: Irrelevant.
[16:01] Me: No it's critical, a bitter, hateful man, makes for a lousy father.
[16:01] Me: Become a better, happier man, and you're a better father.
[16:01] Him: Better that than some fuckup artist.
[16:01] Him: Become better and happier...how?
[16:02] Him: What would you suggest Ms. Enlightened?
[16:03] Me: Try being nicer to people for a start, even if it's not sincere, you actions will give you positive feedback from those around, which creates a loop of positive reinforcement
[16:04] Him: I do that at work and school.
[16:04] Him: Anything else?
[16:04] Me: Once you realize the world isn't the hateful place you feel it is, then you can deal with the fact that you're not the hateful person you feel you are.
[16:04] Him: Oh no, I'm a hateful person.
[16:05] Him: Do you like Skinny Puppy?
[16:05] Me: You could have fooled me. You've been hateful to me, simply because of the aspects of my life that you find similiar to your ex.
[16:06] Him: I said I AM a hateful person.
[16:06] Him: And I LOVE it.
[16:06] Me: oh well then that's your choice, but don't be surprised if your son grows up to hate you back
[16:06] Him: I use to work for a bankruptcy attorney.
[16:06] Him: He and I would chuckle together about the idiots in this world who squander everything away on bullshit.
[16:06] Him: I LAUGHED at those people.
[16:07] Him: Crying and bitching about losing their house, I LAUGHED.
[16:07] Him: And I'd laugh at you just as quickly.
[16:07] Him: Despite any attempt at kindness.
[16:07] Me: I'd never end up in bankruptcy court. I do understand the concept of living within one's means
[16:07] Him: Anyway, do you like Skinny Puppy?
[16:08] Him: Yes, you come from poor white trash blah blah.
[16:08] Me: They're alright. I prefer Abney Park
[16:08] Him: Ech.
[16:08] Him: Godawful punk shit.
[16:08] Me: Steampunk shit
[16:08] Him: Not even close to industrial.
[16:08] Me: It's not supposed to be
[16:09] Him: Wankers the lot of them.
[16:09] Him: I just need to get laid, bah.
[16:10] Me: Yes, that always makes people feel better.
[16:11] Him: :)
[16:11] Him: I'll have to work on it.
[16:11] Him: Maybe some jalapeno poppers too.
[16:12] Him: Some Bombay and tonic.
[16:12] Me: Those wouldn't hurt
[16:12] Him: So when are we going to hang out?
[16:13] Me: Why should we. I truly have no desire to be with someone who has no respect for me.
[16:13] Him: We're just going to talk, I don't want to be with you eithe.
[16:13] Him: either*
[16:14] Me: I was talking about company, not sex.
[16:14] Him: Oh, well whatever.
[16:14] Him: I have respect for you as a human being.
[16:14] Me: Which you have admitted is fairly low.
[16:14] Him: Are you overweight?
[16:15] Me: Yes
[16:16] Him: Mmmm, I would want to sleep with you then..drat.
[16:16] Him: I love chubby women.
[16:16] Me: Sorry, I like my men a little less bitter.
[16:17] Him: I can change :)
[16:17] Me: Careful, that will get South Park quoted at you.
[16:18] Him: Eh, I don't know the reference.
[16:18] Me: One of the songs in that is Saddam Hussein singing 'I can change'
[16:19] Him: Ok.
[16:19] Him: Sorry, I'm not really such a bad guy...just going through a rough time.
[16:19] Him: But think what you will.
[16:19] Me: I see that, and I really do hope it works out and you get you son back.
[16:20] Him: Ok.
[16:20] Him: But you don't want to hang out :(
[16:20] Me: You called me a whore.
[16:20] Him: Ok.
[16:21] Me: Do you now realize that this doesn't endear people to you, even if they do understand why.
[16:21] Him: Irrelevant :)
[16:21] Him: It was worth a shot and I failed, no big deal.
[16:22] Me: No, relevant. I am not so desperate for company that I need to seek out someone who has insulted me, my husband, and my choices in life.
[16:22] Him: Blah blah blah.
[16:22] Me: I have no reason to expect that you'd be any different in person.
[16:23] Him: No of course not.
[16:23] Me: So why should I spend any time with you?
[16:24] Him: I
[16:24] Him: I'd treat you good.
[16:24] Him: Buy you chai tea and rub your feet in public!
[16:25] Me: I have real friends that treat me good. I don't need it from someone who looks at me with contempt and disdain.
[16:25] Him: Whatever lady.
[16:26] Him: You're right, I think you're a failure cookie cutter pseudo-intellectual whore.
[16:26] Him: You're one redeeming quality is that you take it in the ass.
[16:26] Him: Horn rimmed glasses and bright dyed hair and so on.
[16:26] Him: I give a FUCK seriously...;)
[16:26] Me: ...and yet you want to spend time with me, even though you know sex of any kind, will never happen.
[16:27] Him: No not really.
[16:29] Him: I don't care, it's ok.
[16:29] Me: There's a lot things I could say, I think I'll just settle for, Good bye.
[16:30] Him: Eh?
[16:30] Him: Thanks for participating in the experiment.
[16:30] Him: You lasted longer than most.
[16:32] Him: Are you conscious?
Towards the end it was just sad. This poor kid is heartrendingly lonely and, like all of us, wants someone to hang out with and just know that someone cares about him. However, he just can’t stop pouring scorn and derision on people long enough for them to want to be around him. I really feel bad for this guy, but I am far to old to be anyone’s emotional tampon. This is as far as I’m willing go. Part of me thinks I should have met him in person and that I might be able to help him, but really, that way lies madness. He claims the doesn’t need any help, despite, clearly being unhappy, which means there’s nothing to be done. The audacity to ask a person out for coffee and foot rubs…(all I can think of is that he’s got to have at think for feet) after what he said about me is just amazing. Very few geeks I know are that socially inept. He’s got to work at it.
In the end it actually made me feel better in a very schadenfreude sort of way. Which doesn’t say good things about me, but hey, I’m only human.
[14:58] Him: Hello.
[14:58] Me: hi
[14:58] Him: How are you today?
[14:58] Me: not bad
[14:58] Me: yourself?
[14:59] Him: Not too bad, just getting ready for next semester.
[14:59] Him: You're from Denver right?
[14:59] Me: yes
[15:00] Him: Cool, how old are you again?
[15:00] Me: 32 why do you ask?
[15:00] Him: I dunno, looking for someone to hang out with.
[15:01] Me: ah..i see
[15:01] Him: Yeah, I'm 24 by the way.
[15:02] Me: ok
[15:02] Him: So what do you do?
[15:03] Me: I'm a housewife
[15:03] Him: Oh, you're married?
[15:03] Me: yes, it said so on my OKcupid profile when you talked to me before
[15:06] Him: I can't be expected to remember the stats of every pinchprick on the internet.
For those of you that don’t know, pinchprick is old British slang for whore. It was in the first five minutes that I realized this is a guy I stopped talking to because he threw a fit when I didn’t respond fast enough because I was AFK. A month or so after that I found out he called a friend of mine an ‘esoteric cunt’. He’s apparently making the rounds.
[15:07] Me: and that's why I stopped talking to you, because you behave like an insulting child
[15:07] Him: An insulting child?
[15:07] Him: Wow what a phrase...isn't quite correct english but whatever right?
[15:07] Him: It's not as if anything you say or do matter, you live in a microcosm.
This is another insult leveled at my friend as well. In my really unkind black little heart of hearts, I want to make comments about how he word drops just to show off. But I feel bad about that. You’ll see why further down.
[15:08] Me: oh really, considering you know nothing about my life, what makes you say that?
[15:08] Him: Well for one thing you're a housewife.
[15:08] Him: No woman I'd ever respect would do that...lol
[15:09] Me: oh so running a household is something to be disrespected?
[15:09] Him: Oh sure I hide contempt for such women, but only because it makes me look less desirable to real people.
I missed this one, apparently women who are housewives aren’t real people.
[15:09] Him: When you have the option to do anything you want and choose to be a housewife it's disappointing.
[15:10] Him: But maybe you're not intelligent enough for a career etc.. I don't know you like you said.
[15:10] Me: why, it's a fairly complicated job, that needs to be done, I do a lot things from bookkeeping, to construction, to cooking
[15:10] Me: what is to ashamed of?
[15:10] Me: can you hang dry wall?
[15:11] Him: No, I'm an a bookkeeper and will be a CPA next year.
[15:11] Him: Then I'm going to law school.
[15:12] Me: That explains so much
[15:12] Me: I have no reason to be ashamed of what I choose to do, and there are a lot of negative comments that are made about lawyers
[15:13] Him: Sure are.
[15:13] Him: The difference is that I'll have money to console me in my misery, instead of screaming children and piles of dishes.
[15:14] Me: Yes...because in our society, working on having a good loving family, rather then a dysfunctional one, is something to ashamed of....is that id?
[15:14] Me: oops it?
[15:14] Him: Lady, in this economy two working adults are required for any measure of security.
I don’t agree with this, and I was getting a little tichy, but I think it’s safe to say I was goaded. One income and properly managed investments, as well as living within your means, can do wonders.
[15:14] Me: The fact that my priorities are emotional rather then financial means I should hide my head in shame?
[15:14] Him: By the way you talk I'd say your husband is blue collar...
[15:14] Him: Either some type of construction or contracting.
[15:15] Me: Actually, since your so concerned, he has a profesional tech job
I thought tech jobs were white collar. I can see it either way, though; it is something of a grey area in the classic way of thinking about employment. I do consider his job something of a tech job. He does a lot of computer work, and it’s not customer service.
[15:15] Him: Blue collar still...lol
[15:15] Me: ...and as a few well placed investments, that keep us more then comfortable
[15:16] Him: Oh, I see.
[15:16] Him: And are you attracted to this man?
[15:16] Me: yes have been for some time
You can practically here the wheels turning. Really I should have indulged him, but it was a bit like watching a train wreck. I just couldn’t tear myself away.
[15:16] Him: Hmmm, and what background do you come from?
[15:17] Me: he's middle/upper-middle class
[15:17] Me: I'm tornado bait trailer trash, I married up
[15:17] Him: I see.
[15:18] Me: Lucky for me, he loves me anyway
[15:18] Him: Yes, lucky for you.
[15:18] Him: No woman like you will be lucky on my dollar.
[15:18] Me: That's your loss, because I'm a really good person, and he's lucky too.
[15:19] Him: I'm sure it's great for him though.
[15:19] Me: ...and if all you see is the money, you're going to be around a lot of shallow people
[15:19] Him: I'll bet you're more attractive physically, sexier.
[15:19] Him: No, I just see the world as it is.
[15:19] Him: Do you deny him anything in bed?
[15:20] Me: You're 24, you speak as if you come from a privileged background, you haven't lived long enough to know the world, or the people in it
[15:20] Him: Haha...
[15:20] Me: Not that's it's any of your business, but no I don't
[15:20] Him: If you only knew.
[15:20] Him: Exactly, other women have certainly denied him.
[15:20] Me: Not really, women like him in bed
[15:20] Him: But you wouldn't deny him anything, hence the reason you're married.
[15:21] Him: You know this? Have had threesomes etc..?
[15:21] Me: Not with other women, but I've been friends with his lovers, yes I know this.
[15:21] Him: Oh I see.
[15:21] Him: Well I'd rather be with an intelligent woman with some courage and ability than have an open sexual arena.
Now, I answered a lot of those questions, because I am a very open person about my sexuality. I like to know about other people’s and the best way to do that is to not hide yours. I do have to admit that there was a bit of baiting going on as well. By this point I was just curious to see what he’d say and how far he was willing to go in being abusive.
As for the last comment here, there are very few people who know me who would say that I’m not intelligent, courageous, or have ability. There’s an underlying idea that if you have an open relationship you have no standards and will have sex with anyone. This is true for some, but I’m a picky bitch. :D
[15:22] Him: And just FYI, I do come from a very checkered background.
[15:22] Me: Well having an open relationship just means he has lots of intelligent women.
[15:22] Him: I've also worked for some very sick and twisted professionals who married women like you.
[15:22] Me: Women like me?
[15:22] Him: Yes...domesticated.
[15:23] Me: You say that like it's a bad thing. Being domesticated does not make me stupid.
[15:23] Me: It's simply a different and varied skill set.
[15:24] Him: No of course not.
[15:24] Him: I'm sure you know a lot about foreign affairs, art and a slew of other interesting things don't you?
I’ve come across a few people who narrowly define things, such as intelligence, but their own specific interests. While I think this is a natural human reaction, it’s a problem. There is more that defines intelligence and wisdom, other then just a few select issues.
[15:24] Him: Why, I bet you spend your down time at home reading Tolstoy, not on the internet.
[15:25] Me: I know bit, I pay more attention to US affairs rather then foriegn, and I'm not fan of Tolstoy
[15:25] Him: Oh, more into Dosteyevsky?
[15:25] Him: It's always one or the other isn't it?
[15:26] Me: Considering the current political climate I would Kafka is more appropriate
[15:26] Him: Tolstoy or Dosteyevsky...meh
[15:26] Him: Kafka!
[15:26] Him: No fucking way buddy, try Nietzsche.
[15:26] Him: Or Camus...
[15:27] Him: There's no metamorphosis about what's occurring in the world right now, it's obvious to anyone.
[15:27] Me: Fascist government taking over until there is violently revolution and likely balkanization?
[15:28] Him: Nah.
[15:28] Me: Darn! I was so hoping for revolution.
[15:28] Him: Then take part.
Sarcasm seems lost on him. However, to be fair, it is the internet and it’s hard for these things to come through.
[15:28] Him: So you have an open marriage?
[15:29] Me: I likely will and yes I do
[15:29] Him: Oh my, so you fuck other men?
[15:29] Me: On occaision, if I like them
[15:29] Him: Oh I see.
[15:29] Him: Are you into anal?
There are things even I won’t answer. What’s amusing is that I’m not for a number of fairly big psychological issues that will probably make its way into another entry some day.
[15:30] Me: That's none of your business
[15:30] Him: You are, ok.
[15:30] Me: I didn't anwer the question. There's a difference.
[15:31] Him: You did answer it though, in your own way.
[15:31] Me: Think what you like
[15:31] Him: Know what I like really, it's a good quality.
[15:32] Me: good quality?
He never said good quality what, though. People, relationships, sex, hair cream?
[15:32] Him: Certainly, I know what I like and what I want.
[15:32] Me: Well that helps in getting it.
[15:32] Him: You for instance, might be good for a roll in the hay but I wouldn't spend the rest of my life with you.
[15:33] Him: *might* in italics.
[15:33] Me: I wonderful for a roll in the hay, but I wouldn't sleep with you.
It’s here that the insecurity of this man begins to become truly transparent. At first I was insulted, but the longer this went, I actually started to feel sorry for this guy.
[15:33] Him: Of course not, because we aren't compatible even there.
[15:33] Him: Too much mutual contempt.
[15:33] Me: That we can agree on.
[15:34] Him: You see me as an arrogant bastard, and I see you as an accomplisment-less pinchprick housewife.
While calling me a whore doesn’t really bother me, it’s one of those insults that just has no affect. The accomplishment-less remark did have the sting of truth. I have had many times where I look at my life and wonder what has made my life worth it. On the other, if this is what you need to do to yourself to accomplish anything, I’ll stay where I am.
[15:34] Him: And you'd go on about how your children are such an accomplishment and blah blah blah.
[15:34] Me: Do you see any difference between a whore and a housewife? and beyong that...what's wrong with prostitution?
Yes I think prostitution is a reasonable job and should be legal. But that’s a whole other post, as well.
[15:34] Him: And I'd say, 'Well I feel sorry for your daughters, what kind of example are you setting for a little girl'?
[15:35] Me: For record...I have no children, so how could I have done that?
[15:35] Him: Oh God..
[15:35] Him: Wow lady, WOW!
[15:35] Him: Oh my Jesus, you just sit at home all day?
[15:35] Him: Motherfucker you're lazy.
[15:36] Me: No, we have an old house we're remodeling
[15:36] Him: Oh, uh huh.
Actually we do, and I know how to play with power tools.
[15:36] Him: And what did you do before you struck it rich with this guy?
[15:37] Me: Well considering we've been married for 10 years, I put him through school
So I stretched things a little here. This is true, but it was only a two year degree.
[15:37] Him: And now you have no children and both fuck other people.
[15:37] Him: My my, I wouldn't want to face the world either.
[15:37] Him: You have my pity.
[15:37] Me: Yes because of course a married is nothing but sex and children
[15:38] Me: and I do face the world
[15:38] Him: Yes, to buy milk and bread.
[15:38] Me: ....and read selected works to an audience naked, don't forget that.
[15:38] Him: Yeah right, that's likely.
I will be amazed and amused if he actually tracks down the event and shows up. Capt. Booty will have him for breakfast.
[15:39] Him: Are you into S&M?
This I actively ignored.
[15:39] Me: it's called Naked Girls who Read, Denver's first even is in August.
[15:39] Him: Ok, if you show me your lhabia I'll tip you a dollar.
[15:39] Me: ...and you wonder why you're looking for someone to hang out with.
[15:40] Him: I don't wonder at all.
[15:40] Him: I'm well aware of both sides of the equation.
[15:40] Me: So you choose to have a rude and mean attitude towards people?
[15:40] Him: Certainly
[15:40] Him: But not if I respect them, but that's rare.
[15:41] Me: Yes but you behave like a pedantic jerk, who would want your respect?
[15:41] Him: Irrelevant.
He says this a lot.
[15:41] Me: From you behavior and how you talk, there's nothing there
[15:42] Me: Having your respect means less then nothing
[15:42] Him: From your ability to type, and moreover live your life you don't deserve my respect.
I’m not the best typist on IM, but really…judging people by their typo’s is bad, even by my standards.
[15:42] Me: Good, that's most people will think I'm a good person
[15:42] Him: You're probably one of those pseudo-intellectual flakes I see at First Friday...
[15:42] Him: Probably had to grow and decided to do it with a man who would take care of you...lol
[15:43] Me: No...I met him in college, fell in love with him when he was a cook at bar, it's all romantic
It was too, love at first sight, Rocky Horror…*sigh*
\
[15:44] Him: I'm thinking of getting an ASUS laptop.
[15:44] Him: Yeah, real romantic.
[15:44] Him: And now you both fuck other people and don't have children.
[15:44] Me: You are really hung up on the open relationship aren't you
[15:44] Him: Tell me something...do you not have children because you don't want them or because you wouldn't want them exposed to your maniacal menagerie of a marriage?
[15:45] Him: I just think it's very fitting, to be honest I have nothing but resent for most artists, and this is just rich for me.
[15:45] Me: I don't have them because I haven't gotten pregnant, yet.
[15:45] Him: Oh I see, so you'll share you occupied womb with other men?
[15:45] Me: You clearly do not understand how a relationship like that works.
[15:46] Him: Nope, not at all.
[15:46] Him: I mean it's special right?
[15:46] Me: Maybe...maybe not, depends on the situation
[15:46] Him: Your husband can't get another woman pregnant.
[15:46] Him: Wouldn't have to share your nest money to pay for that child.
[15:46] Me: Perhaps you should at least learn a little before you talk too much about it
[15:46] Him: Ten years and no baby, sounds like one of you is fucked up biologically.
[15:46] Him: Lady, I worked in a bondage club lol, I know all about it.
It was at this point that I really started to get the impression that this poor kid has really had a bad life and is just looking for someone to take it out on. Again, I know I should have just ended it, but….train wreck.
[15:47] Me: If he did get a woman pregnant, we'd take in child and raise it just fine
[15:47] Him: Take it huh?
[15:47] Him: Let me tell you a secret, no woman would let that go down...nor would she have to.
[15:47] Me: So no woman has ever given a child up?
[15:47] Him: And NO self-respecting woman would let degenerate people raise their baby.
[15:48] Me: So we're degenerates now.
[15:48] Him: Do you know what Social Services would do?
[15:48] Him: They'd take that child in a heartbeat.
[15:48] Me: For what cause?
[15:48] Him: Lewd conduct I'm sure.
[15:49] Me: What lewd conduct? It's not like I'd do anything in front of a child.
[15:49] Him: Oh no, but the kid knows it's going down.
[15:49] Him: Kids aren't stupid.
[15:49] Him: I grew up in a similar enviornment.
[15:49] Him: And guess where I ended up?
[15:49] Him: But you're an artist, you read and all...you know more than I do.
[15:50] Me: Yes but your situation an stable relationship or was someone having an affair?
[15:50] Him: Open relationship etc..
[15:50] Him: People coming and going, I realized my mother was a whore and talked to a counselor about it.. Fin
This says so much. His life was not good, therefore everyone must be like his mother. There are times when the issues are so psychologically classic, that you wonder if it’s a put on.
Also the knee jerk ‘for the children’ philosophy is something that is ingrained in our culture. If we don’t like something then it must be bad for children. The idea that alternative sexuality is the same as pedophilia comes from that. Regardless of the fact that open and poly relationships are have nothing to with children, sexually, he’s right in that, if reported, CPS likely would take the children away. It’s sad, but true.
[15:51] Me: You should go back...you still have a lot of bitterness.
[15:51] Him: I'm going to law school.
[15:51] Him: With all my bitterness, and contempt and arrogance.
[15:51] Me: What has that to with you being a toxic person who is hurting yourself more then anyone else?
[15:51] Him: I'll ride the seething black liquid of hate all the way to the top, and do whatever I please.
[15:51] Him: than*
[15:52] Him: I'm not hurting myself, I'm improving myself.
[15:52] Me: You're still going to be unhappy.
[15:52] Him: Irrelavent.
[15:52] Him: I have a child to take care of.
[15:52] Me: With what you're carrying around, nothing you do will be enough to fix it.
[15:52] Me: ...and that bitterness, kids can tell, they're not stupid.
[15:53] Me: You child will know you unhappy, and as all children do, will think it's their own fault.
[15:53] Him: Better to be bitter sometimes than some whore.
[15:53] Him: you're*
[15:53] Me: Better to be happy and a good father, then anything else.
[15:53] Him: Lady I'm bitter because of not being able to see my son.
[15:53] Him: That's the biggest part, so once that's over I'm golden.
[15:54] Me: How old is your son?
[15:54] Him: His cunt of a mother is beyond reproach, even worse than say, you are.
[15:54] Him: Irrelevant.
[15:54] Me: Fair enough.
[15:54] Him: Anyway, losing a child due to the whoring and hateful ways of a woman will cause bitterness.
[15:55] Him: And yes, propel a high school dropout into law school.
[15:55] Me: Yes this is true, but it still hurts you more then anyone else.
[15:55] Him: than*
[15:55] Him: Then refers to past-tense...
[15:55] Him: Please learn the difference.
[15:55] Me: pedantic
[15:55] Him: Lethargic...
[15:55] Him: Slovenly...
[15:56] Him: Unkept...
[15:56] Him: English.
Again, classic responses. Obviously, if I can’t type and don’t have proper grammer, then the content of what I’m saying is suspect and he doesn’t have to listen. Now if he had addressed my content and just said I was full of it, he might have won that.
[15:56] Me: You're focusing on the lest important aspects of what I'm saying
[15:56] Him: Lady, I'm in no position financially to do anything about my son.
[15:56] Him: I already dropped 10k on it my first year of school.
[15:56] Him: School, work and a custody battle.
[15:57] Me: Those are the priorities you have set for yourself, if you're not happy about it, change it.
[15:57] Him: But once I'm a CPA, once that 60k rolls in I'll go to war again.
[15:57] Him: I'm content, there is nothing I can do until I'm out of school.
[15:58] Me: Then getting rid of some of that bitterness before you gain custody, would be a good thing.
[15:58] Me: It won't go away just because you son comes home.
[15:58] Him: Again, irrelevant.
[15:59] Him: My bitterness is all I have.
[15:59] Him: Without it I'd be back in art school.
[15:59] Him: ;)
[15:59] Me: You have your love for you son, is that nothing?
[15:59] Him: I've been on both sides of the fence, and honestly I prefer this one.
[15:59] Him: Pray you never end up in family court, because there love truly is nothing.
[16:00] Him: Not without the $ to back it up.
[16:00] Me: I was talking about you emotional state. You have made choices that will be harmful to yourself in the long run.
[16:00] Him: I went in there with love and believe me it's nothing there. What counts there is composure, stability and $.
[16:00] Him: Irrelevant.
[16:01] Me: No it's critical, a bitter, hateful man, makes for a lousy father.
[16:01] Me: Become a better, happier man, and you're a better father.
[16:01] Him: Better that than some fuckup artist.
[16:01] Him: Become better and happier...how?
[16:02] Him: What would you suggest Ms. Enlightened?
[16:03] Me: Try being nicer to people for a start, even if it's not sincere, you actions will give you positive feedback from those around, which creates a loop of positive reinforcement
[16:04] Him: I do that at work and school.
[16:04] Him: Anything else?
[16:04] Me: Once you realize the world isn't the hateful place you feel it is, then you can deal with the fact that you're not the hateful person you feel you are.
[16:04] Him: Oh no, I'm a hateful person.
[16:05] Him: Do you like Skinny Puppy?
[16:05] Me: You could have fooled me. You've been hateful to me, simply because of the aspects of my life that you find similiar to your ex.
[16:06] Him: I said I AM a hateful person.
[16:06] Him: And I LOVE it.
[16:06] Me: oh well then that's your choice, but don't be surprised if your son grows up to hate you back
[16:06] Him: I use to work for a bankruptcy attorney.
[16:06] Him: He and I would chuckle together about the idiots in this world who squander everything away on bullshit.
[16:06] Him: I LAUGHED at those people.
[16:07] Him: Crying and bitching about losing their house, I LAUGHED.
[16:07] Him: And I'd laugh at you just as quickly.
[16:07] Him: Despite any attempt at kindness.
[16:07] Me: I'd never end up in bankruptcy court. I do understand the concept of living within one's means
[16:07] Him: Anyway, do you like Skinny Puppy?
[16:08] Him: Yes, you come from poor white trash blah blah.
[16:08] Me: They're alright. I prefer Abney Park
[16:08] Him: Ech.
[16:08] Him: Godawful punk shit.
[16:08] Me: Steampunk shit
[16:08] Him: Not even close to industrial.
[16:08] Me: It's not supposed to be
[16:09] Him: Wankers the lot of them.
[16:09] Him: I just need to get laid, bah.
[16:10] Me: Yes, that always makes people feel better.
[16:11] Him: :)
[16:11] Him: I'll have to work on it.
[16:11] Him: Maybe some jalapeno poppers too.
[16:12] Him: Some Bombay and tonic.
[16:12] Me: Those wouldn't hurt
[16:12] Him: So when are we going to hang out?
[16:13] Me: Why should we. I truly have no desire to be with someone who has no respect for me.
[16:13] Him: We're just going to talk, I don't want to be with you eithe.
[16:13] Him: either*
[16:14] Me: I was talking about company, not sex.
[16:14] Him: Oh, well whatever.
[16:14] Him: I have respect for you as a human being.
[16:14] Me: Which you have admitted is fairly low.
[16:14] Him: Are you overweight?
[16:15] Me: Yes
[16:16] Him: Mmmm, I would want to sleep with you then..drat.
[16:16] Him: I love chubby women.
[16:16] Me: Sorry, I like my men a little less bitter.
[16:17] Him: I can change :)
[16:17] Me: Careful, that will get South Park quoted at you.
[16:18] Him: Eh, I don't know the reference.
[16:18] Me: One of the songs in that is Saddam Hussein singing 'I can change'
[16:19] Him: Ok.
[16:19] Him: Sorry, I'm not really such a bad guy...just going through a rough time.
[16:19] Him: But think what you will.
[16:19] Me: I see that, and I really do hope it works out and you get you son back.
[16:20] Him: Ok.
[16:20] Him: But you don't want to hang out :(
[16:20] Me: You called me a whore.
[16:20] Him: Ok.
[16:21] Me: Do you now realize that this doesn't endear people to you, even if they do understand why.
[16:21] Him: Irrelevant :)
[16:21] Him: It was worth a shot and I failed, no big deal.
[16:22] Me: No, relevant. I am not so desperate for company that I need to seek out someone who has insulted me, my husband, and my choices in life.
[16:22] Him: Blah blah blah.
[16:22] Me: I have no reason to expect that you'd be any different in person.
[16:23] Him: No of course not.
[16:23] Me: So why should I spend any time with you?
[16:24] Him: I
[16:24] Him: I'd treat you good.
[16:24] Him: Buy you chai tea and rub your feet in public!
[16:25] Me: I have real friends that treat me good. I don't need it from someone who looks at me with contempt and disdain.
[16:25] Him: Whatever lady.
[16:26] Him: You're right, I think you're a failure cookie cutter pseudo-intellectual whore.
[16:26] Him: You're one redeeming quality is that you take it in the ass.
[16:26] Him: Horn rimmed glasses and bright dyed hair and so on.
[16:26] Him: I give a FUCK seriously...;)
[16:26] Me: ...and yet you want to spend time with me, even though you know sex of any kind, will never happen.
[16:27] Him: No not really.
[16:29] Him: I don't care, it's ok.
[16:29] Me: There's a lot things I could say, I think I'll just settle for, Good bye.
[16:30] Him: Eh?
[16:30] Him: Thanks for participating in the experiment.
[16:30] Him: You lasted longer than most.
[16:32] Him: Are you conscious?
Towards the end it was just sad. This poor kid is heartrendingly lonely and, like all of us, wants someone to hang out with and just know that someone cares about him. However, he just can’t stop pouring scorn and derision on people long enough for them to want to be around him. I really feel bad for this guy, but I am far to old to be anyone’s emotional tampon. This is as far as I’m willing go. Part of me thinks I should have met him in person and that I might be able to help him, but really, that way lies madness. He claims the doesn’t need any help, despite, clearly being unhappy, which means there’s nothing to be done. The audacity to ask a person out for coffee and foot rubs…(all I can think of is that he’s got to have at think for feet) after what he said about me is just amazing. Very few geeks I know are that socially inept. He’s got to work at it.
In the end it actually made me feel better in a very schadenfreude sort of way. Which doesn’t say good things about me, but hey, I’m only human.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Public Nudity?!
I have agreed to something that maybe either brave or stupid. I'm not sure which. The lady who taught the burlesque classes I took a few months ago, asked for volunteers for a new project; Naked Girls who Read. It's pretty much what it says it is. Women read selected works out loud, to an audience. So I will be reading things, naked. It combines 3 of my biggest issues. Social anxiety, stage fright, and body issues. I'm a fat girl and in general I agree in women having a positive body image and all. But the idea of sitting in a room of about 30 people, all looking at me naked, while giving a public reading...nightmares are made of these situations. This will either help these issues a great deal, or drive me totally bonkers. I'm going to be using my burlesque name Capt. Booty, I'm going to be wearing a big frilly pirate hat and boots....and nothing else. Although I am playing with the idea of wearing body paint and glitter.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Stupid Stupid Boys!!!
This is a short rant cause I have stuff I gotta do, but why are submissive men so annoying. I get it's hard to find a dom, especially those of the female persuasion, but debasing yourself to every goth in a corset is not a good way to do things. Trying to talk them into being a dom is also a bad idea. It reeks of desperation. Which is never attractive. Going on at length at what a submissive slut you are is not going to get me to be your dom. I'm not one and I'm happy about that. I empathize with the desire to be a submissive to someone, but calling everyone woman you IM 'Miss' or 'Mistress' straight out of the gate before you even say 'Hello' and ascertain what her preferences are, makes you come across as a desperate and disrespectful jackass. DON'T DO IT. If you really want to find a nice dom to abuse you, work on your social skills. Even dom's like someone who can say 'Hello'. Unless someone says flat out she's a dom in her profile, (having the nick Mistress...is a good clue too) don't just assume the woman in the corset is. Some of us just like wearing corsets. And if I wanted to get bothered by a lot of spineless crawly men who were desperate, I'd say so.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Zoo
Here's a rant that's completely different. I'm not bothering with a warning, because that's what making this an adult blog is for. If you can't deal, that's your problem.
So I watched Zoo the other day...and for something to challenge some of my ideas and notions of sexuality was fairly surprising. Zoo is the documentary about the death of Kenneth Pinyan. For those who might not recognize the name, he was a zoophile that died in 2005. Any other details you can Google for yourself. What amazed was the reaction people had. Not just the local police, but even a state senator. Everyone so incensed over something that, at the time, was not illegal, that they had to make legislation against it. While bestiality is not my kink and definitely hits the squick buttons, I'm not sure its worthy of legislation. I don't believe that simply having sex with an animal is abuse. If that were true, then ranchers who masturbate animals for the purpose of artificial insemination, or insemination itself, would also be abuse. At least by the same train of logic. After all the human's enjoyment of the act has little affect on the animal. This train of logic would also mandate many ranch practices would also be abuse.
While this was pointed out to me, the more I watched the movie, the more I realized it wasn't about the animals safety. It was about ignorance, fear, and a lack of understanding. In this case, the best the cops could come up with to charge anyone is criminal trespassing, because it happened on the property of a third party who was not there. I'm not even sure there was a conviction on that. No evidence of any animal abuse was found. People loss their jobs, homes, and livestock for doing something that most people find distasteful, but was not illegal. The stallion in question was gelded because of the fear that someone who was interested in bestiality would adopt him. That is, logically, like saying 'this child was abuses, let's castrate him so no one else will abuse him again'. Ponder that. Even ruining the lives of those involved in this tragic accident, wasn't enough. Legislation making sex with an animal illegal as well as filming it, is a class C felony. Punishable by up to 5 years in prison. This means that the state of Washington considers having sex with a horse to be as bad for society as the manufacturing and distribution of methamphetamine. This isn't a law that is meant to protect me, or anyone else for that matter. It's about control. The local law enforcement was presented with a situation they did not understand or like, it squicked them, so therefore some wrong doing had to have been done.
In the end, it wasn't just the peritonitis that killed this man, it was his very justified fear that prevented him from going to the hospital. He had security clearance at Boeing. By all anecdotal reports he was good at his job and liked it. But had he survived and gone to the emergency room, with the nature of the injuries he had,he would likely have lost his job. Like everyone else who was a part of this farm, his life would have been ruined because society is finds these acts to be distasteful.
One of the ranch hands was even said to have a 'child molester feel' about him. What does that even mean? He looks like cousin Harry? He dresses like a catholic priest? What? The woman who said it had the same knee-jerk reaction to alternative sexuality, that most of society does (even the kinky community, they have their own kinkier then thou people). Any sexuality that WE (as opposed to THEM) don't like is the same as pedophilia. Now, I fail to see the similarities between a 1500 pound stallion and a 5 year old child, or why being sexually attracted to horses or other animals means you like children, but that's the theory. The 'what about the children' defense has about as much credibility as the Chewbacca defense. It's barely passable when seen through blind fear and doesn't hold up when you actually start thinking about sexuality in anything like a logical sense.
While I do not understand zoophilia, I'm not threatened by it. If I were a dolphin, I might be, but then again, I might be one and find the hairless monkey's kinda cute. (Yes, dolphins molest humans) I don't understand monogamy either, and in someways, it's just as distasteful, to me. Just because you find someone's sexuality distasteful or gross, doesn't mean it's dangerous or abusive. Lack of understanding does not mean something is evil. Cluttering up the social conscious with things that are not understood muddies the waters so that real evil is hard to see.
So I watched Zoo the other day...and for something to challenge some of my ideas and notions of sexuality was fairly surprising. Zoo is the documentary about the death of Kenneth Pinyan. For those who might not recognize the name, he was a zoophile that died in 2005. Any other details you can Google for yourself. What amazed was the reaction people had. Not just the local police, but even a state senator. Everyone so incensed over something that, at the time, was not illegal, that they had to make legislation against it. While bestiality is not my kink and definitely hits the squick buttons, I'm not sure its worthy of legislation. I don't believe that simply having sex with an animal is abuse. If that were true, then ranchers who masturbate animals for the purpose of artificial insemination, or insemination itself, would also be abuse. At least by the same train of logic. After all the human's enjoyment of the act has little affect on the animal. This train of logic would also mandate many ranch practices would also be abuse.
While this was pointed out to me, the more I watched the movie, the more I realized it wasn't about the animals safety. It was about ignorance, fear, and a lack of understanding. In this case, the best the cops could come up with to charge anyone is criminal trespassing, because it happened on the property of a third party who was not there. I'm not even sure there was a conviction on that. No evidence of any animal abuse was found. People loss their jobs, homes, and livestock for doing something that most people find distasteful, but was not illegal. The stallion in question was gelded because of the fear that someone who was interested in bestiality would adopt him. That is, logically, like saying 'this child was abuses, let's castrate him so no one else will abuse him again'. Ponder that. Even ruining the lives of those involved in this tragic accident, wasn't enough. Legislation making sex with an animal illegal as well as filming it, is a class C felony. Punishable by up to 5 years in prison. This means that the state of Washington considers having sex with a horse to be as bad for society as the manufacturing and distribution of methamphetamine. This isn't a law that is meant to protect me, or anyone else for that matter. It's about control. The local law enforcement was presented with a situation they did not understand or like, it squicked them, so therefore some wrong doing had to have been done.
In the end, it wasn't just the peritonitis that killed this man, it was his very justified fear that prevented him from going to the hospital. He had security clearance at Boeing. By all anecdotal reports he was good at his job and liked it. But had he survived and gone to the emergency room, with the nature of the injuries he had,he would likely have lost his job. Like everyone else who was a part of this farm, his life would have been ruined because society is finds these acts to be distasteful.
One of the ranch hands was even said to have a 'child molester feel' about him. What does that even mean? He looks like cousin Harry? He dresses like a catholic priest? What? The woman who said it had the same knee-jerk reaction to alternative sexuality, that most of society does (even the kinky community, they have their own kinkier then thou people). Any sexuality that WE (as opposed to THEM) don't like is the same as pedophilia. Now, I fail to see the similarities between a 1500 pound stallion and a 5 year old child, or why being sexually attracted to horses or other animals means you like children, but that's the theory. The 'what about the children' defense has about as much credibility as the Chewbacca defense. It's barely passable when seen through blind fear and doesn't hold up when you actually start thinking about sexuality in anything like a logical sense.
While I do not understand zoophilia, I'm not threatened by it. If I were a dolphin, I might be, but then again, I might be one and find the hairless monkey's kinda cute. (Yes, dolphins molest humans) I don't understand monogamy either, and in someways, it's just as distasteful, to me. Just because you find someone's sexuality distasteful or gross, doesn't mean it's dangerous or abusive. Lack of understanding does not mean something is evil. Cluttering up the social conscious with things that are not understood muddies the waters so that real evil is hard to see.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Gah!
I should really get over obsessing about other peoples problems. In fact I should learn to just let things go and not let people get to me. Why do I do this? I don't know, because I'm a twat. There are better things I should be doing with my time, then worry about what my husband's ex is doing. I most defiantly should be getting upset over her self inflicted misery.. Its not even that I don't know any better. I do, I know stressing about her is not unhealthy, unnecessary, and generally a bad idea. But I do it anyways. I could offer any number of psychological reasons for this stupidity, but I'm fairly sure it boils down to, I'm behaving like a twat. My husband has in no encouraged anything from her, and truly, the she tries to get back into his life, the less he wants to do with her. Her life is like a train wreck. I don't have to anything. If I wish to cruel, the most I have to do is sit back and watch. What drives me insane is that, even now, even after she tried to ruin my marriage, I just want to slap her for ruining her own life. Her life doesn't have to be what she's making it and could be so much better. But she's too busy feeling sorry for herself and being a junkie to actually fix anything. I have no reason to care about any of this, and I shouldn't. I know this isn't her fault, it's my issue. But really, I'm rather sick of it, and need to just get over it and move on.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Not again. *sigh*
When relationships end it's hard for some people to let things go. A few months ago my husband dated another woman for a while. While we've never been monogamous, it was the first time one of us has seriously dated anyone. After about 4 months she ended the relationship. Over the course of one evening she hung up on him, (and I've been told threw the phone across the room afterwords) sent a mass text message out to numerous people quitting something she loved, and then showed up at the house with all of his things that had gotten left at her apartment.
She made a big show before this about how much she loved him and how much she cared about us, however there were cracks showing before this, inconsistencies that become glaring in retrospect. She is a self-described alpha female and card-carrying heartless bitch. Before the decision was made to date seriously, she informed him that she could never be second in a relationship. This was said to a man who had just celebrated his 10th wedding anniversary. Several times she made comments about how she 'didn't have the right to ask for anything.' The way certain things were handled with her father, should have also been a big clue. Rather then try to talk to him before hand, what was supposed to be a dinner to meet the new boyfriend, she surprised him by inviting me as well. The pattern that emerged was one of selfish desires. She did what was easier for her, with no concern to others comfort, she very much tried to impose her will through passive/aggressive manipulation even in situations where a simply request would have gotten her what she wanted. As long as we were willing to focus on her, she was happy.
The problem is, things like that never last. Despite being told, repeatedly, that there would be a time when her illness wouldn't be the center of everything, the first time she had to sacrifice my husbands time, she threw a fit and ended the relationship. I had a fairly bad depressive episode and rather then go to a party with her, he took care of me. This was what triggered the break-up. Her behavior, afterwords, reinforced this pattern. Rather then give my husband the time he asked for, she sent multiple text messages, then showed up to the house, uninvited, and tried to apologize...with flowers. This is not what one should do when they've been asked to leave a person alone for a week. She continually demonstrated that others emotions and physiological well being was not something she was concerned with. In spite of what her claims to the contrary.
The reason I'm thinking of this now, is she still sends text messages want to see us. Including inviting us, last minute, to a 4th of July party. Since I have made it clear that I have no desire to see her (as far as I'm concerned she tried steal my husband, the fact that she had no chance of success, doesn't mean I feel any better about it) she sends these to my husband. She's very careful to include me in her invites, but it still feels like she refuses to just let things go. I am honestly not sure how much is an attempt to reinsert herself into my husband's life or just a pathological need to maintain some semblance of control. I don't really care, either. I am done with her and wish she'd just leave us alone. She can't seem to grok, that. She wasn't anything like the person she said she was and it's simply to frustrating to deal with.
I have no issue with my husband. He was honest and straight forward from the very beginning. But I do have issue with someone who has tried in the past, to make him choose them over me. I realize that for me, it's not a jealousy issue. She doesn't have a chance at breaking up our marriage. What I am, is offended that she would try. That she disrespects our commitment, and us, so much that she would cause untold pain and heart ache in a selfish desire to get what she wants. But that's her pattern. The fact that she doesn't see this is even more infuriating. She'll go on at length about how much she helps her friends and how much people take advantage of her. When, in truth, she's the one who takes advantage of anyone willing to be helpful.
But that's the issue for today and I'm done ranting about it. Someday I'll forgive her, when I'm tired of being angry, but for now...I'm just too pissed off.
She made a big show before this about how much she loved him and how much she cared about us, however there were cracks showing before this, inconsistencies that become glaring in retrospect. She is a self-described alpha female and card-carrying heartless bitch. Before the decision was made to date seriously, she informed him that she could never be second in a relationship. This was said to a man who had just celebrated his 10th wedding anniversary. Several times she made comments about how she 'didn't have the right to ask for anything.' The way certain things were handled with her father, should have also been a big clue. Rather then try to talk to him before hand, what was supposed to be a dinner to meet the new boyfriend, she surprised him by inviting me as well. The pattern that emerged was one of selfish desires. She did what was easier for her, with no concern to others comfort, she very much tried to impose her will through passive/aggressive manipulation even in situations where a simply request would have gotten her what she wanted. As long as we were willing to focus on her, she was happy.
The problem is, things like that never last. Despite being told, repeatedly, that there would be a time when her illness wouldn't be the center of everything, the first time she had to sacrifice my husbands time, she threw a fit and ended the relationship. I had a fairly bad depressive episode and rather then go to a party with her, he took care of me. This was what triggered the break-up. Her behavior, afterwords, reinforced this pattern. Rather then give my husband the time he asked for, she sent multiple text messages, then showed up to the house, uninvited, and tried to apologize...with flowers. This is not what one should do when they've been asked to leave a person alone for a week. She continually demonstrated that others emotions and physiological well being was not something she was concerned with. In spite of what her claims to the contrary.
The reason I'm thinking of this now, is she still sends text messages want to see us. Including inviting us, last minute, to a 4th of July party. Since I have made it clear that I have no desire to see her (as far as I'm concerned she tried steal my husband, the fact that she had no chance of success, doesn't mean I feel any better about it) she sends these to my husband. She's very careful to include me in her invites, but it still feels like she refuses to just let things go. I am honestly not sure how much is an attempt to reinsert herself into my husband's life or just a pathological need to maintain some semblance of control. I don't really care, either. I am done with her and wish she'd just leave us alone. She can't seem to grok, that. She wasn't anything like the person she said she was and it's simply to frustrating to deal with.
I have no issue with my husband. He was honest and straight forward from the very beginning. But I do have issue with someone who has tried in the past, to make him choose them over me. I realize that for me, it's not a jealousy issue. She doesn't have a chance at breaking up our marriage. What I am, is offended that she would try. That she disrespects our commitment, and us, so much that she would cause untold pain and heart ache in a selfish desire to get what she wants. But that's her pattern. The fact that she doesn't see this is even more infuriating. She'll go on at length about how much she helps her friends and how much people take advantage of her. When, in truth, she's the one who takes advantage of anyone willing to be helpful.
But that's the issue for today and I'm done ranting about it. Someday I'll forgive her, when I'm tired of being angry, but for now...I'm just too pissed off.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Little Epiphanies
"You love me, you know love me."
"Like an incestuous older sister."
At first that comment was spoken as a joke, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed so appropriate. Most anyone who knows me, knows I sleep with men other then my husband. What I don't think they realize is the complexity and depth that can lead too, on rare occasions. The man in question was a lover at one point, but now he is a friend, very much like a brother. My relationship with my real brother is non-existent, so like any dysfunctional person I have subconsciously tried to make up for that by surrounding myself with potential brothers. The only problem is, I keep having sex with them. (There's also a healthy dose of 'sex is fun' in all this so it's not entirely pathological.) On it's own, this isn't a huge deal. I make sure to not have sex with guys I don't like or at least don't want too talk for any length of time. However, our society is ill-equipt to deal with relationship transitions of any sort, much less a transition from a sexual relationship to a non-sexual relationship. Because of this, I have been a dismal failure in trying to replace the brother I didn't know I was looking for, at least until now. I have little doubt the two of us can handle this transition, I'm not sure the people around will have such an easy time. But then again, I have been known to severely underestimate what my friends will accept. People, in general, don't really know what to do with a couple who's relationship as transitioned from a sexual one to more of a familial (if raunchy) one any more then they know how to deal with a familial relationship that has transitioned to sexual. (I make no comments on the appropriateness of that. That's a whole other post) However odd it may seem to people, I'm glad it has happened. I'm used to my friends thinking me odd, the friends worth keeping accept me and love me in spite of or because of (depends on the day I think) my oddities.
"Like an incestuous older sister."
At first that comment was spoken as a joke, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed so appropriate. Most anyone who knows me, knows I sleep with men other then my husband. What I don't think they realize is the complexity and depth that can lead too, on rare occasions. The man in question was a lover at one point, but now he is a friend, very much like a brother. My relationship with my real brother is non-existent, so like any dysfunctional person I have subconsciously tried to make up for that by surrounding myself with potential brothers. The only problem is, I keep having sex with them. (There's also a healthy dose of 'sex is fun' in all this so it's not entirely pathological.) On it's own, this isn't a huge deal. I make sure to not have sex with guys I don't like or at least don't want too talk for any length of time. However, our society is ill-equipt to deal with relationship transitions of any sort, much less a transition from a sexual relationship to a non-sexual relationship. Because of this, I have been a dismal failure in trying to replace the brother I didn't know I was looking for, at least until now. I have little doubt the two of us can handle this transition, I'm not sure the people around will have such an easy time. But then again, I have been known to severely underestimate what my friends will accept. People, in general, don't really know what to do with a couple who's relationship as transitioned from a sexual one to more of a familial (if raunchy) one any more then they know how to deal with a familial relationship that has transitioned to sexual. (I make no comments on the appropriateness of that. That's a whole other post) However odd it may seem to people, I'm glad it has happened. I'm used to my friends thinking me odd, the friends worth keeping accept me and love me in spite of or because of (depends on the day I think) my oddities.
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