Coversations (really long)

So I got an IM from someone today and it was an interesting conversation. That I am going to post a long with some of the thoughts I had while having. I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Other than that, everything is what was typed, typos and all. Most of the typos are mine actually. :D

[14:58] Him: Hello.
[14:58] Me: hi
[14:58] Him: How are you today?
[14:58] Me: not bad
[14:58] Me: yourself?
[14:59] Him: Not too bad, just getting ready for next semester.
[14:59] Him: You're from Denver right?
[14:59] Me: yes
[15:00] Him: Cool, how old are you again?
[15:00] Me: 32 why do you ask?
[15:00] Him: I dunno, looking for someone to hang out with.
[15:01] Me: ah..i see
[15:01] Him: Yeah, I'm 24 by the way.
[15:02] Me: ok
[15:02] Him: So what do you do?
[15:03] Me: I'm a housewife
[15:03] Him: Oh, you're married?
[15:03] Me: yes, it said so on my OKcupid profile when you talked to me before
[15:06] Him: I can't be expected to remember the stats of every pinchprick on the internet.

For those of you that don’t know, pinchprick is old British slang for whore. It was in the first five minutes that I realized this is a guy I stopped talking to because he threw a fit when I didn’t respond fast enough because I was AFK. A month or so after that I found out he called a friend of mine an ‘esoteric cunt’. He’s apparently making the rounds.

[15:07] Me: and that's why I stopped talking to you, because you behave like an insulting child
[15:07] Him: An insulting child?
[15:07] Him: Wow what a phrase...isn't quite correct english but whatever right?
[15:07] Him: It's not as if anything you say or do matter, you live in a microcosm.

This is another insult leveled at my friend as well. In my really unkind black little heart of hearts, I want to make comments about how he word drops just to show off. But I feel bad about that. You’ll see why further down.

[15:08] Me: oh really, considering you know nothing about my life, what makes you say that?
[15:08] Him: Well for one thing you're a housewife.
[15:08] Him: No woman I'd ever respect would do that...lol
[15:09] Me: oh so running a household is something to be disrespected?
[15:09] Him: Oh sure I hide contempt for such women, but only because it makes me look less desirable to real people.

I missed this one, apparently women who are housewives aren’t real people.

[15:09] Him: When you have the option to do anything you want and choose to be a housewife it's disappointing.
[15:10] Him: But maybe you're not intelligent enough for a career etc.. I don't know you like you said.
[15:10] Me: why, it's a fairly complicated job, that needs to be done, I do a lot things from bookkeeping, to construction, to cooking
[15:10] Me: what is to ashamed of?
[15:10] Me: can you hang dry wall?
[15:11] Him: No, I'm an a bookkeeper and will be a CPA next year.
[15:11] Him: Then I'm going to law school.
[15:12] Me: That explains so much
[15:12] Me: I have no reason to be ashamed of what I choose to do, and there are a lot of negative comments that are made about lawyers
[15:13] Him: Sure are.
[15:13] Him: The difference is that I'll have money to console me in my misery, instead of screaming children and piles of dishes.
[15:14] Me: Yes...because in our society, working on having a good loving family, rather then a dysfunctional one, is something to ashamed of....is that id?
[15:14] Me: oops it?
[15:14] Him: Lady, in this economy two working adults are required for any measure of security.

I don’t agree with this, and I was getting a little tichy, but I think it’s safe to say I was goaded. One income and properly managed investments, as well as living within your means, can do wonders.

[15:14] Me: The fact that my priorities are emotional rather then financial means I should hide my head in shame?
[15:14] Him: By the way you talk I'd say your husband is blue collar...
[15:14] Him: Either some type of construction or contracting.
[15:15] Me: Actually, since your so concerned, he has a profesional tech job

I thought tech jobs were white collar. I can see it either way, though; it is something of a grey area in the classic way of thinking about employment. I do consider his job something of a tech job. He does a lot of computer work, and it’s not customer service.

[15:15] Him: Blue collar still...lol
[15:15] Me: ...and as a few well placed investments, that keep us more then comfortable
[15:16] Him: Oh, I see.
[15:16] Him: And are you attracted to this man?
[15:16] Me: yes have been for some time
You can practically here the wheels turning. Really I should have indulged him, but it was a bit like watching a train wreck. I just couldn’t tear myself away.

[15:16] Him: Hmmm, and what background do you come from?
[15:17] Me: he's middle/upper-middle class
[15:17] Me: I'm tornado bait trailer trash, I married up
[15:17] Him: I see.
[15:18] Me: Lucky for me, he loves me anyway
[15:18] Him: Yes, lucky for you.
[15:18] Him: No woman like you will be lucky on my dollar.
[15:18] Me: That's your loss, because I'm a really good person, and he's lucky too.
[15:19] Him: I'm sure it's great for him though.
[15:19] Me: ...and if all you see is the money, you're going to be around a lot of shallow people
[15:19] Him: I'll bet you're more attractive physically, sexier.
[15:19] Him: No, I just see the world as it is.
[15:19] Him: Do you deny him anything in bed?
[15:20] Me: You're 24, you speak as if you come from a privileged background, you haven't lived long enough to know the world, or the people in it
[15:20] Him: Haha...
[15:20] Me: Not that's it's any of your business, but no I don't
[15:20] Him: If you only knew.
[15:20] Him: Exactly, other women have certainly denied him.
[15:20] Me: Not really, women like him in bed
[15:20] Him: But you wouldn't deny him anything, hence the reason you're married.
[15:21] Him: You know this? Have had threesomes etc..?
[15:21] Me: Not with other women, but I've been friends with his lovers, yes I know this.
[15:21] Him: Oh I see.
[15:21] Him: Well I'd rather be with an intelligent woman with some courage and ability than have an open sexual arena.

Now, I answered a lot of those questions, because I am a very open person about my sexuality. I like to know about other people’s and the best way to do that is to not hide yours. I do have to admit that there was a bit of baiting going on as well. By this point I was just curious to see what he’d say and how far he was willing to go in being abusive.

As for the last comment here, there are very few people who know me who would say that I’m not intelligent, courageous, or have ability. There’s an underlying idea that if you have an open relationship you have no standards and will have sex with anyone. This is true for some, but I’m a picky bitch. :D

[15:22] Him: And just FYI, I do come from a very checkered background.
[15:22] Me: Well having an open relationship just means he has lots of intelligent women.
[15:22] Him: I've also worked for some very sick and twisted professionals who married women like you.
[15:22] Me: Women like me?
[15:22] Him: Yes...domesticated.
[15:23] Me: You say that like it's a bad thing. Being domesticated does not make me stupid.
[15:23] Me: It's simply a different and varied skill set.
[15:24] Him: No of course not.
[15:24] Him: I'm sure you know a lot about foreign affairs, art and a slew of other interesting things don't you?

I’ve come across a few people who narrowly define things, such as intelligence, but their own specific interests. While I think this is a natural human reaction, it’s a problem. There is more that defines intelligence and wisdom, other then just a few select issues.

[15:24] Him: Why, I bet you spend your down time at home reading Tolstoy, not on the internet.
[15:25] Me: I know bit, I pay more attention to US affairs rather then foriegn, and I'm not fan of Tolstoy
[15:25] Him: Oh, more into Dosteyevsky?
[15:25] Him: It's always one or the other isn't it?
[15:26] Me: Considering the current political climate I would Kafka is more appropriate
[15:26] Him: Tolstoy or Dosteyevsky...meh
[15:26] Him: Kafka!
[15:26] Him: No fucking way buddy, try Nietzsche.
[15:26] Him: Or Camus...
[15:27] Him: There's no metamorphosis about what's occurring in the world right now, it's obvious to anyone.
[15:27] Me: Fascist government taking over until there is violently revolution and likely balkanization?
[15:28] Him: Nah.
[15:28] Me: Darn! I was so hoping for revolution.
[15:28] Him: Then take part.

Sarcasm seems lost on him. However, to be fair, it is the internet and it’s hard for these things to come through.

[15:28] Him: So you have an open marriage?
[15:29] Me: I likely will and yes I do
[15:29] Him: Oh my, so you fuck other men?
[15:29] Me: On occaision, if I like them
[15:29] Him: Oh I see.
[15:29] Him: Are you into anal?

There are things even I won’t answer. What’s amusing is that I’m not for a number of fairly big psychological issues that will probably make its way into another entry some day.

[15:30] Me: That's none of your business
[15:30] Him: You are, ok.
[15:30] Me: I didn't anwer the question. There's a difference.
[15:31] Him: You did answer it though, in your own way.
[15:31] Me: Think what you like
[15:31] Him: Know what I like really, it's a good quality.
[15:32] Me: good quality?

He never said good quality what, though. People, relationships, sex, hair cream?

[15:32] Him: Certainly, I know what I like and what I want.
[15:32] Me: Well that helps in getting it.
[15:32] Him: You for instance, might be good for a roll in the hay but I wouldn't spend the rest of my life with you.
[15:33] Him: *might* in italics.
[15:33] Me: I wonderful for a roll in the hay, but I wouldn't sleep with you.

It’s here that the insecurity of this man begins to become truly transparent. At first I was insulted, but the longer this went, I actually started to feel sorry for this guy.

[15:33] Him: Of course not, because we aren't compatible even there.
[15:33] Him: Too much mutual contempt.
[15:33] Me: That we can agree on.
[15:34] Him: You see me as an arrogant bastard, and I see you as an accomplisment-less pinchprick housewife.

While calling me a whore doesn’t really bother me, it’s one of those insults that just has no affect. The accomplishment-less remark did have the sting of truth. I have had many times where I look at my life and wonder what has made my life worth it. On the other, if this is what you need to do to yourself to accomplish anything, I’ll stay where I am.

[15:34] Him: And you'd go on about how your children are such an accomplishment and blah blah blah.
[15:34] Me: Do you see any difference between a whore and a housewife? and beyong that...what's wrong with prostitution?

Yes I think prostitution is a reasonable job and should be legal. But that’s a whole other post, as well.

[15:34] Him: And I'd say, 'Well I feel sorry for your daughters, what kind of example are you setting for a little girl'?
[15:35] Me: For record...I have no children, so how could I have done that?
[15:35] Him: Oh God..
[15:35] Him: Wow lady, WOW!
[15:35] Him: Oh my Jesus, you just sit at home all day?
[15:35] Him: Motherfucker you're lazy.
[15:36] Me: No, we have an old house we're remodeling
[15:36] Him: Oh, uh huh.

Actually we do, and I know how to play with power tools.

[15:36] Him: And what did you do before you struck it rich with this guy?
[15:37] Me: Well considering we've been married for 10 years, I put him through school

So I stretched things a little here. This is true, but it was only a two year degree.

[15:37] Him: And now you have no children and both fuck other people.
[15:37] Him: My my, I wouldn't want to face the world either.
[15:37] Him: You have my pity.
[15:37] Me: Yes because of course a married is nothing but sex and children
[15:38] Me: and I do face the world
[15:38] Him: Yes, to buy milk and bread.
[15:38] Me: ....and read selected works to an audience naked, don't forget that.
[15:38] Him: Yeah right, that's likely.

I will be amazed and amused if he actually tracks down the event and shows up. Capt. Booty will have him for breakfast.

[15:39] Him: Are you into S&M?

This I actively ignored.

[15:39] Me: it's called Naked Girls who Read, Denver's first even is in August.
[15:39] Him: Ok, if you show me your lhabia I'll tip you a dollar.
[15:39] Me: ...and you wonder why you're looking for someone to hang out with.
[15:40] Him: I don't wonder at all.
[15:40] Him: I'm well aware of both sides of the equation.
[15:40] Me: So you choose to have a rude and mean attitude towards people?
[15:40] Him: Certainly
[15:40] Him: But not if I respect them, but that's rare.
[15:41] Me: Yes but you behave like a pedantic jerk, who would want your respect?
[15:41] Him: Irrelevant.

He says this a lot.

[15:41] Me: From you behavior and how you talk, there's nothing there
[15:42] Me: Having your respect means less then nothing
[15:42] Him: From your ability to type, and moreover live your life you don't deserve my respect.

I’m not the best typist on IM, but really…judging people by their typo’s is bad, even by my standards.
[15:42] Me: Good, that's most people will think I'm a good person
[15:42] Him: You're probably one of those pseudo-intellectual flakes I see at First Friday...
[15:42] Him: Probably had to grow and decided to do it with a man who would take care of you...lol
[15:43] Me: No...I met him in college, fell in love with him when he was a cook at bar, it's all romantic

It was too, love at first sight, Rocky Horror…*sigh*
\
[15:44] Him: I'm thinking of getting an ASUS laptop.
[15:44] Him: Yeah, real romantic.
[15:44] Him: And now you both fuck other people and don't have children.
[15:44] Me: You are really hung up on the open relationship aren't you
[15:44] Him: Tell me something...do you not have children because you don't want them or because you wouldn't want them exposed to your maniacal menagerie of a marriage?
[15:45] Him: I just think it's very fitting, to be honest I have nothing but resent for most artists, and this is just rich for me.
[15:45] Me: I don't have them because I haven't gotten pregnant, yet.
[15:45] Him: Oh I see, so you'll share you occupied womb with other men?
[15:45] Me: You clearly do not understand how a relationship like that works.
[15:46] Him: Nope, not at all.
[15:46] Him: I mean it's special right?
[15:46] Me: Maybe...maybe not, depends on the situation
[15:46] Him: Your husband can't get another woman pregnant.
[15:46] Him: Wouldn't have to share your nest money to pay for that child.
[15:46] Me: Perhaps you should at least learn a little before you talk too much about it
[15:46] Him: Ten years and no baby, sounds like one of you is fucked up biologically.
[15:46] Him: Lady, I worked in a bondage club lol, I know all about it.

It was at this point that I really started to get the impression that this poor kid has really had a bad life and is just looking for someone to take it out on. Again, I know I should have just ended it, but….train wreck.

[15:47] Me: If he did get a woman pregnant, we'd take in child and raise it just fine
[15:47] Him: Take it huh?
[15:47] Him: Let me tell you a secret, no woman would let that go down...nor would she have to.
[15:47] Me: So no woman has ever given a child up?
[15:47] Him: And NO self-respecting woman would let degenerate people raise their baby.
[15:48] Me: So we're degenerates now.
[15:48] Him: Do you know what Social Services would do?
[15:48] Him: They'd take that child in a heartbeat.
[15:48] Me: For what cause?
[15:48] Him: Lewd conduct I'm sure.
[15:49] Me: What lewd conduct? It's not like I'd do anything in front of a child.
[15:49] Him: Oh no, but the kid knows it's going down.
[15:49] Him: Kids aren't stupid.
[15:49] Him: I grew up in a similar enviornment.
[15:49] Him: And guess where I ended up?
[15:49] Him: But you're an artist, you read and all...you know more than I do.
[15:50] Me: Yes but your situation an stable relationship or was someone having an affair?
[15:50] Him: Open relationship etc..
[15:50] Him: People coming and going, I realized my mother was a whore and talked to a counselor about it.. Fin

This says so much. His life was not good, therefore everyone must be like his mother. There are times when the issues are so psychologically classic, that you wonder if it’s a put on.

Also the knee jerk ‘for the children’ philosophy is something that is ingrained in our culture. If we don’t like something then it must be bad for children. The idea that alternative sexuality is the same as pedophilia comes from that. Regardless of the fact that open and poly relationships are have nothing to with children, sexually, he’s right in that, if reported, CPS likely would take the children away. It’s sad, but true.

[15:51] Me: You should go back...you still have a lot of bitterness.
[15:51] Him: I'm going to law school.
[15:51] Him: With all my bitterness, and contempt and arrogance.
[15:51] Me: What has that to with you being a toxic person who is hurting yourself more then anyone else?
[15:51] Him: I'll ride the seething black liquid of hate all the way to the top, and do whatever I please.
[15:51] Him: than*
[15:52] Him: I'm not hurting myself, I'm improving myself.
[15:52] Me: You're still going to be unhappy.
[15:52] Him: Irrelavent.
[15:52] Him: I have a child to take care of.
[15:52] Me: With what you're carrying around, nothing you do will be enough to fix it.
[15:52] Me: ...and that bitterness, kids can tell, they're not stupid.
[15:53] Me: You child will know you unhappy, and as all children do, will think it's their own fault.
[15:53] Him: Better to be bitter sometimes than some whore.
[15:53] Him: you're*
[15:53] Me: Better to be happy and a good father, then anything else.
[15:53] Him: Lady I'm bitter because of not being able to see my son.
[15:53] Him: That's the biggest part, so once that's over I'm golden.
[15:54] Me: How old is your son?
[15:54] Him: His cunt of a mother is beyond reproach, even worse than say, you are.
[15:54] Him: Irrelevant.
[15:54] Me: Fair enough.
[15:54] Him: Anyway, losing a child due to the whoring and hateful ways of a woman will cause bitterness.
[15:55] Him: And yes, propel a high school dropout into law school.
[15:55] Me: Yes this is true, but it still hurts you more then anyone else.
[15:55] Him: than*
[15:55] Him: Then refers to past-tense...
[15:55] Him: Please learn the difference.
[15:55] Me: pedantic
[15:55] Him: Lethargic...
[15:55] Him: Slovenly...
[15:56] Him: Unkept...
[15:56] Him: English.

Again, classic responses. Obviously, if I can’t type and don’t have proper grammer, then the content of what I’m saying is suspect and he doesn’t have to listen. Now if he had addressed my content and just said I was full of it, he might have won that.

[15:56] Me: You're focusing on the lest important aspects of what I'm saying
[15:56] Him: Lady, I'm in no position financially to do anything about my son.
[15:56] Him: I already dropped 10k on it my first year of school.
[15:56] Him: School, work and a custody battle.
[15:57] Me: Those are the priorities you have set for yourself, if you're not happy about it, change it.
[15:57] Him: But once I'm a CPA, once that 60k rolls in I'll go to war again.
[15:57] Him: I'm content, there is nothing I can do until I'm out of school.
[15:58] Me: Then getting rid of some of that bitterness before you gain custody, would be a good thing.
[15:58] Me: It won't go away just because you son comes home.
[15:58] Him: Again, irrelevant.
[15:59] Him: My bitterness is all I have.
[15:59] Him: Without it I'd be back in art school.
[15:59] Him: ;)
[15:59] Me: You have your love for you son, is that nothing?
[15:59] Him: I've been on both sides of the fence, and honestly I prefer this one.
[15:59] Him: Pray you never end up in family court, because there love truly is nothing.
[16:00] Him: Not without the $ to back it up.
[16:00] Me: I was talking about you emotional state. You have made choices that will be harmful to yourself in the long run.
[16:00] Him: I went in there with love and believe me it's nothing there. What counts there is composure, stability and $.
[16:00] Him: Irrelevant.
[16:01] Me: No it's critical, a bitter, hateful man, makes for a lousy father.
[16:01] Me: Become a better, happier man, and you're a better father.
[16:01] Him: Better that than some fuckup artist.
[16:01] Him: Become better and happier...how?
[16:02] Him: What would you suggest Ms. Enlightened?
[16:03] Me: Try being nicer to people for a start, even if it's not sincere, you actions will give you positive feedback from those around, which creates a loop of positive reinforcement
[16:04] Him: I do that at work and school.
[16:04] Him: Anything else?
[16:04] Me: Once you realize the world isn't the hateful place you feel it is, then you can deal with the fact that you're not the hateful person you feel you are.
[16:04] Him: Oh no, I'm a hateful person.
[16:05] Him: Do you like Skinny Puppy?
[16:05] Me: You could have fooled me. You've been hateful to me, simply because of the aspects of my life that you find similiar to your ex.
[16:06] Him: I said I AM a hateful person.
[16:06] Him: And I LOVE it.
[16:06] Me: oh well then that's your choice, but don't be surprised if your son grows up to hate you back
[16:06] Him: I use to work for a bankruptcy attorney.
[16:06] Him: He and I would chuckle together about the idiots in this world who squander everything away on bullshit.
[16:06] Him: I LAUGHED at those people.
[16:07] Him: Crying and bitching about losing their house, I LAUGHED.
[16:07] Him: And I'd laugh at you just as quickly.
[16:07] Him: Despite any attempt at kindness.
[16:07] Me: I'd never end up in bankruptcy court. I do understand the concept of living within one's means
[16:07] Him: Anyway, do you like Skinny Puppy?
[16:08] Him: Yes, you come from poor white trash blah blah.
[16:08] Me: They're alright. I prefer Abney Park
[16:08] Him: Ech.
[16:08] Him: Godawful punk shit.
[16:08] Me: Steampunk shit
[16:08] Him: Not even close to industrial.
[16:08] Me: It's not supposed to be
[16:09] Him: Wankers the lot of them.
[16:09] Him: I just need to get laid, bah.
[16:10] Me: Yes, that always makes people feel better.
[16:11] Him: :)
[16:11] Him: I'll have to work on it.
[16:11] Him: Maybe some jalapeno poppers too.
[16:12] Him: Some Bombay and tonic.
[16:12] Me: Those wouldn't hurt
[16:12] Him: So when are we going to hang out?
[16:13] Me: Why should we. I truly have no desire to be with someone who has no respect for me.
[16:13] Him: We're just going to talk, I don't want to be with you eithe.
[16:13] Him: either*
[16:14] Me: I was talking about company, not sex.
[16:14] Him: Oh, well whatever.
[16:14] Him: I have respect for you as a human being.
[16:14] Me: Which you have admitted is fairly low.
[16:14] Him: Are you overweight?
[16:15] Me: Yes
[16:16] Him: Mmmm, I would want to sleep with you then..drat.
[16:16] Him: I love chubby women.
[16:16] Me: Sorry, I like my men a little less bitter.
[16:17] Him: I can change :)
[16:17] Me: Careful, that will get South Park quoted at you.
[16:18] Him: Eh, I don't know the reference.
[16:18] Me: One of the songs in that is Saddam Hussein singing 'I can change'
[16:19] Him: Ok.
[16:19] Him: Sorry, I'm not really such a bad guy...just going through a rough time.
[16:19] Him: But think what you will.
[16:19] Me: I see that, and I really do hope it works out and you get you son back.
[16:20] Him: Ok.
[16:20] Him: But you don't want to hang out :(
[16:20] Me: You called me a whore.
[16:20] Him: Ok.
[16:21] Me: Do you now realize that this doesn't endear people to you, even if they do understand why.
[16:21] Him: Irrelevant :)
[16:21] Him: It was worth a shot and I failed, no big deal.
[16:22] Me: No, relevant. I am not so desperate for company that I need to seek out someone who has insulted me, my husband, and my choices in life.
[16:22] Him: Blah blah blah.
[16:22] Me: I have no reason to expect that you'd be any different in person.
[16:23] Him: No of course not.
[16:23] Me: So why should I spend any time with you?
[16:24] Him: I
[16:24] Him: I'd treat you good.
[16:24] Him: Buy you chai tea and rub your feet in public!
[16:25] Me: I have real friends that treat me good. I don't need it from someone who looks at me with contempt and disdain.
[16:25] Him: Whatever lady.
[16:26] Him: You're right, I think you're a failure cookie cutter pseudo-intellectual whore.
[16:26] Him: You're one redeeming quality is that you take it in the ass.
[16:26] Him: Horn rimmed glasses and bright dyed hair and so on.
[16:26] Him: I give a FUCK seriously...;)
[16:26] Me: ...and yet you want to spend time with me, even though you know sex of any kind, will never happen.
[16:27] Him: No not really.
[16:29] Him: I don't care, it's ok.
[16:29] Me: There's a lot things I could say, I think I'll just settle for, Good bye.
[16:30] Him: Eh?
[16:30] Him: Thanks for participating in the experiment.
[16:30] Him: You lasted longer than most.
[16:32] Him: Are you conscious?

Towards the end it was just sad. This poor kid is heartrendingly lonely and, like all of us, wants someone to hang out with and just know that someone cares about him. However, he just can’t stop pouring scorn and derision on people long enough for them to want to be around him. I really feel bad for this guy, but I am far to old to be anyone’s emotional tampon. This is as far as I’m willing go. Part of me thinks I should have met him in person and that I might be able to help him, but really, that way lies madness. He claims the doesn’t need any help, despite, clearly being unhappy, which means there’s nothing to be done. The audacity to ask a person out for coffee and foot rubs…(all I can think of is that he’s got to have at think for feet) after what he said about me is just amazing. Very few geeks I know are that socially inept. He’s got to work at it.

In the end it actually made me feel better in a very schadenfreude sort of way. Which doesn’t say good things about me, but hey, I’m only human.