Not again. *sigh*

When relationships end it's hard for some people to let things go. A few months ago my husband dated another woman for a while. While we've never been monogamous, it was the first time one of us has seriously dated anyone. After about 4 months she ended the relationship. Over the course of one evening she hung up on him, (and I've been told threw the phone across the room afterwords) sent a mass text message out to numerous people quitting something she loved, and then showed up at the house with all of his things that had gotten left at her apartment.

She made a big show before this about how much she loved him and how much she cared about us, however there were cracks showing before this, inconsistencies that become glaring in retrospect. She is a self-described alpha female and card-carrying heartless bitch. Before the decision was made to date seriously, she informed him that she could never be second in a relationship. This was said to a man who had just celebrated his 10th wedding anniversary. Several times she made comments about how she 'didn't have the right to ask for anything.' The way certain things were handled with her father, should have also been a big clue. Rather then try to talk to him before hand, what was supposed to be a dinner to meet the new boyfriend, she surprised him by inviting me as well. The pattern that emerged was one of selfish desires. She did what was easier for her, with no concern to others comfort, she very much tried to impose her will through passive/aggressive manipulation even in situations where a simply request would have gotten her what she wanted. As long as we were willing to focus on her, she was happy.

The problem is, things like that never last. Despite being told, repeatedly, that there would be a time when her illness wouldn't be the center of everything, the first time she had to sacrifice my husbands time, she threw a fit and ended the relationship. I had a fairly bad depressive episode and rather then go to a party with her, he took care of me. This was what triggered the break-up. Her behavior, afterwords, reinforced this pattern. Rather then give my husband the time he asked for, she sent multiple text messages, then showed up to the house, uninvited, and tried to apologize...with flowers. This is not what one should do when they've been asked to leave a person alone for a week. She continually demonstrated that others emotions and physiological well being was not something she was concerned with. In spite of what her claims to the contrary.

The reason I'm thinking of this now, is she still sends text messages want to see us. Including inviting us, last minute, to a 4th of July party. Since I have made it clear that I have no desire to see her (as far as I'm concerned she tried steal my husband, the fact that she had no chance of success, doesn't mean I feel any better about it) she sends these to my husband. She's very careful to include me in her invites, but it still feels like she refuses to just let things go. I am honestly not sure how much is an attempt to reinsert herself into my husband's life or just a pathological need to maintain some semblance of control. I don't really care, either. I am done with her and wish she'd just leave us alone. She can't seem to grok, that. She wasn't anything like the person she said she was and it's simply to frustrating to deal with.

I have no issue with my husband. He was honest and straight forward from the very beginning. But I do have issue with someone who has tried in the past, to make him choose them over me. I realize that for me, it's not a jealousy issue. She doesn't have a chance at breaking up our marriage. What I am, is offended that she would try. That she disrespects our commitment, and us, so much that she would cause untold pain and heart ache in a selfish desire to get what she wants. But that's her pattern. The fact that she doesn't see this is even more infuriating. She'll go on at length about how much she helps her friends and how much people take advantage of her. When, in truth, she's the one who takes advantage of anyone willing to be helpful.

But that's the issue for today and I'm done ranting about it. Someday I'll forgive her, when I'm tired of being angry, but for now...I'm just too pissed off.