Synchronicty?

While flipping channels I stumbled across one of those lifetime movies about being the fat girl in high school. One of the lines in there was startlingly appropriate, all things considered. “I’m never invisible, I’m the fat girl.” This is sadly true. In high school people are always looking at you, watching you, snickering behind your back, making comments about your close, how you look in them…etc. (It’s no wonder we have more issues then the New York Times.) As an adult, it’s not that much different. However, once we’re out of high school, fat girls aren’t supposed to be seen. Even though people talk about us, on television and news shows, we’re supposed to be faceless blobs, stock footage of fat people walking down the street. No matter what the talent, we’re not, actually, supposed to have a voice, have face or have name, and never, under any circumstances, are you ever, supposed to have sex….or act like you want sex. Or dress in a manner that men might find sexually attractive. You get my point.

I am a very sexual person. I like it that way, I like me that way. I like being called ‘X-rated, just because you’re you.’ What I don’t like is being lectured on my health by people who have no idea how healthy or unhealthy I am. When you’re fat, random people feel like they have the right to comment on whatever it is you’re doing. I’ve had people say things about how I shouldn’t eat something. I’ve had people make comments about my clothes. I’ve also had comments made about how some guy I was flirting with wasn’t into fat girls. They do this because, we’re never invisible. For a myriad of reasons, people always see the fat girl, but rarely as a women or people. This is how the culture treats us, how People treat us.

Individuals, on the other hand, are much better. I have had only one negative response to being a Naked Girl, and that one was not exactly from a ‘reputable’ source, the rest has been very positive and encouraging. I am grateful for that. As the date gets closer, I realize that this isn’t just about me overcoming my fears. It’s a statement. I will be seen, all of me. I will not apologize for my size. I will not be ashamed for my size. (I might be embarrassed by the giant bruise on my thigh…but screw it) I will have a voice and I will have name. I will be naked in front of an audience and they will enjoy it. They will be happy to see me naked and I will be happy to be seen. It is my own small way of challenging the unwritten rules that we live by.