Crash and Burn

Well it’s over. What I had hoped would grow into a deep and loving relationship, crashed and burned even more spectacularly then I thought it would. It hurts to find out you were strung along for a number of complicated psychological reasons. None of which had anything to do with you. After weeks of chasing after him, putting up with him being selfish and inconsiderate, and at times, mean. I was blind to the fact that he didn’t want me. He was too wrapped up in himself to see me as anything other then ditz who was reasonably good in bed. That wouldn’t hurt so badly if he hadn’t gone out of his way to try and make me think otherwise. I thought he liked me as much as I liked him, however, he didn’t even know me and neither does he see me as someone worth trying to know. Its not that I believe him, but having someone you care about think you’re completely worthless, hurts. There was a fight and I said some fairly mean things. I have a temper I do that. But I wasn’t the only one, and if you’re going to brag about how bad your temper is, sooner or later you’re going to get some of your own back. At one point he said he wanted to make people feel as angry and as miserable as he was. He succeeded. I’m not sure he’ll ever understand the pain he caused. I’m not sure he even cares. The truly sad thing is…I think love him, still.