I want you gone

I want you gone. You have removed yourself from my life; I wish you would remove yourself from my head. I’m tired of thinking of you, of worrying about how your life is going. I’m tired of the constant reminder that my affection was always one sided. I’m tired of wishing we could be friends, but you’re too self-centered for even that. I wish you cared. I wish you hadn’t lied to me. I thought we could be friends. I was trying to be happy with that, but you abandoned me when I needed friends most, after I even told you that. I don’t know why and I wish I didn’t care. I know longer have the strength to chase after you for whatever scraps of affection you choose give. I do not have the strength to be friends with people who use me, even if it is to just prop up their fragile egos. Loving you has cost me so much in terms of emotions and heartache…too much. What you say and how you act are too different things. You say you wish to be friends; that you care about me in a way you care about few people. However, you’ve ignored me when I needed you most. I’ve heard nothing from you despite pouring my heart to you in a most humiliating fashion. Well your neglect has done what you anger never could. I still love you, I wish I didn’t. But I do have some shred of pride left and I’m not seeking you out anymore, for anything. You had away of making me feel as if you tolerated my presence rather then actually enjoyed it. However you always told me differently. I was foolish to listen to you words rather then your actions. I hope you find what you are looking for. I hope you find a woman who makes you realize both what good man you are and what a great man you could be. I’m sorry that wasn’t me. I love you and I want you gone.