Invitation to touch?

As a supporter and planned attendee of my local SlutWalk one of the most common criticisms is that certain clothes are an 'invitation to touch'. Which got me thinking. It isn't just clothes that some people consider an invitation, pregnancy is also perceived as such. For some reason, as many mothers will attest too, having a visibly pregnant belly means some people feel they have the right to come up to a total stranger and rub the belly. Most people would agree that I, and any other pregnant woman, have the right to go shopping, go to work, and generally go about our day, and not try to hide a pregnant belly. Any reasonable person would also think we have the right to say 'Don't touch me' and have it respected.

However, if you apply the same logic to a pregnant woman that most people apply to a woman who is dressed 'provocatively' or just in very little clothing, this isn't so. People tell women constantly, that they should be aware of how they dress and that some people will see it as an invitation, not only to touch, but for sex. There is also an unspoken message that if you dress a certain way, you do not have the right to have 'Don't touch me' be respected. You clothes sent the invitation it's your fault if someone accepts.

If I apply the same logic to pregnancy, then I don't have the right to tell random strangers, my friends, my husband, or anyone else 'Don't touch me'. Simply by being in their presence and being visibly pregnant, I’m tempting them. Because some people see that as an invitation. If I didn't want random people rubbing my belly, it would be my responsibility to either, hide in my house until I gave birth or dress in layers to hide my belly. The logic is that the people touching have no responsibility to keep their hands to themselves because I'm inviting them to touch me, simply by being pregnant and in public, and they can't help themselves. Me explicitly saying 'No' doesn't matter. I sent out the invitation.

Despite the fact that many studies have shown, repeatedly, that dress has very little to do with rape or assault, and that most victims know their tormentors, society still puts the onus on women to not dress like sluts. The logic breaks down in any other context. No one tells people to not make your house look nice, because it attracts burglars. No one says don't buy a nice, new car, because it attracts car thieves. Neither are rich people blamed for being robbed, if they have a nice car or house. No one tells pregnant women they shouldn't leave the house because their bellies will invite people to touch. But the culture still has this illusion that “if you don't want to get raped, don't dress like a slut”.

The other thing that makes this myth so dangerous is the unspoken flip side. That there is a manner of dress that can protect you from rape. There isn't. There has never been a court case were the defense said “That 2 year old was dressed like a slut and was asking for it. It was totally consensual. He showed me his diaper!” But for grown women, this is a valid defense. Even after being found guilty of rape, how a woman was dressed at the time of the rape, can be used as a mitigating factor for sentencing. Despite the fact that dress doesn't matter. Nun's get raped, in their habits. Women in burquas get raped. Men in jeans get raped. Children get raped. Maintaining the myth that 'dressing like slut' has anything to do with rape or any other assault, is victim-blaming and a perpetuation of rape culture, pure and simple. There is nothing else behind it.