Silence

I want to raise my daughter to be strong, to not be bullied, to not be afraid of what others might say. However, how can I do this, if can't do it myself. I am afraid of particular person, a man. I am not afraid of he'll do to me. I, honestly think, he is a coward. But cowards can sometimes be worse. What I truly afraid of is the social repercussions. My social circle is one that doesn't like to choose sides. That prefers to turn a blind eye to cruel or bullying behavior rather then stand against. They are also fond of victim blaming. Now we aren't talking about them ignoring physical violence, but words. They have no problems with allowing a man and being friends with a man who bullies people, especially women, because he sees them as weak. I have no doubt, and I've seen it, that should I actually try to stand up against this and point this out, I will be ridiculed. I was called a 'pregnant drama bomb' because I was genuinely afraid of him in the first place. But now, a few months later. It's not just him. I am not comfortable with commenting on pages that he does, despite having mutual friends. To be honest, I'm not sure I'm comfortable having mutual friends. If my daughter was friends with someone who bullied people or friends with people who criticized the victims of bullying. I'd say she needed better friends. However, whether or not I have the strength to live up to my own convictions has yet to be seen. Most of the people aren't what I would call friends. They are people I know who are in my social circle. But who we chose to surround ourselves with is very telling. Despite what they claim, they aren't willing to stand up publicly and say 'This is not behavior we tolerate'.

More then that, it's not just having friends who behave poorly. Everyone has them. It's the resounding silence or outright approval of it, I object too. Only one person, was willing to even say to this man his words were an issue, and he wasn't willing to do it publicly. People have been willing to talk behind others back and say they agree with me...but will not do so publicly. As far as I know he as suffered no social repercussions, but when I speak about my issues I'm being a 'drama queen'. I'm not entirely certain who have issues with the most, the man who bullied me, the 'friends' who sat by and pretended it didn't happen, that it was something else, or myself.

I can't help but wondering if they're right. That it is no big deal. But it is a big a deal. It's a huge deal. I let (and continue to let) a man's word scare me into behaving differently. I let my fear of others comments about the situation scare me into silence. I let their discomfort at having a cruel bully for friend, dictate what I say on the subject. They tell me he's a good man, because he's in the military. He's never apologized, never admitted any wrong doing. His defense was he didn't threaten me, he threatened another woman. The social circle either, sat by silently, or laughed at my expense. I'm not the only he's done this too, but his threats and bullying are allowed to continue because of silence. I feel as if I've been betrayed by an entire community. Not because it happened, but because they want me to pretend it didn't happen and stay silent and do nothing. So far, I've been doing exactly that. I don't want to do it anymore.