All you had to do was nothing!

My bully has decided to write his own post on bullying. I find interesting that he is accusing those he is angry at, of bullying. Not him, of course, he's too manly and strong for that, but he does define it.

1bul·ly
noun \ˈbu̇-lē, ˈbə-\
plural bullies
Definition of BULLY
1
archaic a : sweetheart b : a fine chap
2
a : a blustering browbeating person; especially : one habitually cruel to others who are weaker b : pimp
3
: a hired ruffian
Origin of BULLY
probably from Middle Dutch boele lover; akin to Middle Low German bōle lover, Middle High German buole
First Known Use: 1538

That is the definition he posted. He goes on to further define, himself, that bullying only happens to children, pre-teens, and teens and by the same. Implying that adults can not, in anyway, be the victim of or be a bully. I look at the definition: a blustering browbeating person: especially : one habitually cruel to others who are weaker. I don't see ages of the people involved in that definition. Now, whether or not women are weaker then my bully, he thinks they are. Anyone who refers to women as sluts, whores, bitches and refers to their genitalia as “sausage wallet” and does so, repeatedly, with the intent to cause emotional harm (i.e. he's not using it in a joking manner or between friends) is habitually cruel.

He says you can define an act of bullying by the end result. Well if the end result is a woman despising him, being intimidated by him, and feeling as if her only recourse is the law, then what does that say of your actions? Now if you're my bully, that says nothing about your actions because everything you do is right. (Yes there is sarcasm there) It just says the woman in question is delusional. He maintains that any perceived threat against me from him, is just that, my delusional perception. While maintaining, however, that he is quite capable of violence, just that I am not worth it. However, I am not worth ignoring either. All he had to do was nothing. NOT talk about, NOT mention me in his rantings, and NOT give me attention. He couldn't do that. I am, however, supposed to be reassured because he deems me not worthy of violence?

What disturbs me is he is focusing his ire on me, due to an incident that I have nothing to do with. He is mad at another woman, therefore must be mad at me also. What else is he going to get angry about, that he decides I'm a part of? If what gets his attention is him being mad at anything female, then he will never leave me alone. Whether or not I have anything to with what he's pissed about clearly doesn't matter. Since I don't know what does it, then how can I not piss him off. More importantly, if he's not a bully, why should I have to worry about it?

Let it go?! Why?

Why can't I let it the whole issue with my bully go. I've been told I should. That he's not worth the trouble. But here's my question: Why should I let it go? Would he let it go if someone called his wife a bitch, slut, cheerleader, little soul whore, or pyscho princess? Would he tell he she needed psychiatric help because she didn't like it and told the person who called her such things? No. From his writings he'd, most likely, react strongly and angrily. So why is my anger any less justified? I was wronged. I demand an apology, not only for me, but for everyone he has specifically insulted, threatened, and libeled.

He says “To sum it up in case its not clear. I own my actions. I own my words. If you have issues with them, take them up with ME. Not my wife. Not my friends. Not my family. If you don't have the spine to do it, then maybe its not worth being said. If you are afraid of the reaction to the words you want to say, maybe they are not that important to you. If you are not willing to face the consequences to your actions then maybe you shouldn't engage in those actions. “ Well I tried. I confronted him directly over email and he blocked me. How is that owning his words? I didn't go to anyone but him, and he refused to acknowledge his behavior. He boasts about the consequences others should face if they make him angry, but runs from the consequences of his own words. He will not face the anger of one woman who doesn't like being called a bitch or crazy. I would like to take up my issues with him, he won't face me.

Why can't I let it go, people ask. I say, why should I? He's a misogynistic asshole who chooses what he thinks are weak targets. Anyone who knows him should be angry at what he says. If he has a right to spread his hatred and cruelty, then I have a right to angry about and say so. Give me one reason I should 'let it go' and just ignore him? Ignoring my bully is like walking away when you see someone getting beat in an alley. Anyone who ignores him, does nothing, or supports him, should be ashamed of themselves.

Unimportant Rant about people upset at Netflix

For those who aren't in the know, as of Sept. 1, Netflix is raising their prices. The cost of DVD rental has gone up and getting the rights to stream movies has always been a little pricy. Now, they are separating out their DVD rental service and streaming service. If you just want one or the other, you can get it cheaper. Their current premium deal is about 19$ a month. This gives you 3 DVD's at a time and unlimited streaming. This is damned cheap, in my opinion. It's less then the price of two movie tickets. Under the new pricing scheme if you want both it's 24$ a month. If you want to split up because you think the streaming or DVD's suck, streaming is 8$ and DVD's start at 16$.

I have no problems with people who are revisiting the issues and deciding if they want to pay for the service. That is what they should be doing. What I don't understand is why are people getting pissed off? “Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.” The current generation has no issue with paying 10-15$ for one movie ticket. Yet, Netflix splits their services and raises their prices to, at worst, 30$ a month and it's the end of the world. That price is dependent on how many DVD's you want out an any given time. 30$ gives you 4 DVD's and unlimited streaming, 24$ is 3, 20$ is 2 and 16$ is 1. So, depending on your choices, your prices might go down.

DVD's should cost more the streaming. Streaming movies to multiple sources isn't that much more expensive once you have the rights to stream the movie at all. Streaming to one is about the same, cost wise, as streaming to many. DVD's on the other hand, are more expensive. You are limited by how many physical copies you have, you have to pay cost of shipping, storage fees for where the DVD's sit when they are not being loaned out, replacing them, care and cleaning, etc. That costs more then streaming and now those costs are being reflected in the price and not an unreasonable price at that.

I think splitting up the services is a great idea. Not everyone uses both. I do and am happy to pay for both, because it's worth it to me. However, many people consider the streaming to be crap and never use it. Just as many people never get DVD's and just use the streaming. For these people the deal is actually cheaper. All you have to pay for is the service you use, rather then both.

I might even go up to 30$ for that extra movie, but I haven't decided yet. Netflix is a business. It's job is to make money. They have no moral obligation to keep their prices at the same rates forever. If you don't like it, drop the service. You are not owed cheap entertainment. It's movies. It's not food, medication or housing. You can live without Netflix. If you can't afford or do not want to pay for the service, there is a public library near you that will give you books, movies, and music, for what you've already paid for in taxes and you pay those taxes anyway whether you use the service or not.

Cowardic

When drama happens, it happens all once. Part of the drama involved my bully, bringing up the whole mess that happened back in March, when he threatened people from Iraq. Because of an incident that pissed him off involving a pagan organization that I have nothing to do with, he decided to insult me. He called me a bitch and a few other choice names. This was an unprovoked attack. I have nothing do with the incident he was pissed about or the pagan community. He also insulted some of the other women who were involved. Normally I abhor sexism in any fashion, including chivalry (that's another post) but I find it interesting that he generally, only picks on women, teenage boys, or men who are pacifists. In other words, those he perceives as easy targets. I sent him an email, which I made public and told him I would, confronting him, telling him I would not tolerate his behavior and to leave me out of whatever issues he has. His response was to tell me I needed psychiatric help, then he did the cyber equivalent of running away. He blocked me. This man, whom I have had no contact with since March, who repeatedly says that if you have a problem with him, confront him, can't handle a confrontation. He called me a bitch, but I need psychiatric help when I tell him to leave me out of his issues. His blog consists of self-congratulatory mental masturbation and outright abuse of anyone he disapproves of. Which is anyone who doesn't agree with him. Apparently he can only be strident and unforgiving when he is surrounded by people who pat him on the back and tell him how right he is. Any dissenting voice is quickly silenced and ignored. You'd think an adult would be beyond bullying, but that isn't true. However, standing up and watching your bully slink away and hide behind a cyber shield, because he's afraid to man up to what he's said, helps a great deal. He's a coward that can not handle any confrontation. I suspect the only confrontation he desires (if he desires any at all) is one in person, so he can always resort to violence.

I am almost disappointed in his cowardice. I expected a man who would stand by his words with conviction. Instead he does not recant, apologize, or stand by them. Merely runs away back to the group of sycophants who will tell him how awesome he is. His cowardice has been exposed, however my goal now, is to not become the beast. It will be very difficult because he truly deserves it. But it is not my place to met out justice or karma. Hopefully I can manage to not become him.

My mother's final lesson

As CoH's (Children of Hoarders) we try to protect our HP's (Hoarder Parents) from the inevitable consequences of their own actions. Whether it's trying to keep them from getting sick because they eat spoiled food, aren't very mobile in their mess, or, dying in their hoard. The final lesson my HM ever taught me, was that you can't do this. They will always suffer the consequences of their choices, up and including death. For the longest time I felt guilty because my mother died, alone, in a messy house. It's not like I'm advocating anyone to just walk away. I didn't. I spent 3 months in Texas (I live in Denver) taking care of her, making trips to Houston, getting her diagnosed and setting up chemo treatments. I went home, with the plan to return when it was time for her surgery. She died about three weeks after left. I would have liked to clean more on the house, but she wouldn't allow me to get any help. I was the only one she would let do anything. I was criticized by my cousins and other family who lived down there (whom she wouldn't allow to do anything for her) because the house was a mess and because I left. The didn't understand at all what it was like before I cleaned. She wouldn't let them in the house. Neither did they understand how stressful those three months were and I needed time to be home with my husband.

The point of the ramble is that I tried everything I could, including drawing up a will, which she never signed, to save her. I tried to convince her to go to a doctor before the cancer was bad. She was a grown woman of 63 years old. Legally, she was mentally competent. This means that her decisions are decisions that have to be respected. Despite the fact that she killed herself with neglect, I have to recognize that it was her choice to do such. It is hard, when the consequences are illness and death, to just let a hoarder suffer, but sometimes, all the efforts we make just won't change anything. Nothing I could've done would've saved my mother. It's a hard lesson for me to accept, but you can't always save a person. No matter how much you try, your efforts will be futile. Whether or not you continue to try is a personal choice, but feeling guilt for not saving them, shouldn't ever happen. You can't change a persons course in life, if they are determined. You can not save a person who doesn't want to be saved. Despite what anyone says, you are not to blame, you should not feel guilty, and dealing with your own life is perfectly reasonable.

Why men should go to SlutWalk

99% of all rapists are men. It's sad but true. The core concept of the slut shaming ideal that if you don't want to get raped don't dress like a slut, is that you draw the attention of these men. That, somehow, a woman's dress causes these men to rape. That men are so weak willed before the power of the almighty penis, that they simply can't help themselves but to rape a scantily clad woman. Not only do men, in general, seem to not offended by this, but a great number seem to agree and encourage it.

This is not just a women’s issue. Since it is, primarily, men who commit rape, claiming that men are too weak willed to stop themselves is degrading and dehumanizing to all the men who don't rape. All men should be outraged at the idea that they can't control themselves. All men should be outraged at the implication that any man will turn rapist because he saw a flash of thigh or cleavage.

Before I said I was attending this even for my daughter, but the more I read comments on the sight, from both men and women, I realize that it is also for my husband. Because women are being trained to fear him, simply because he is male. Women are being told that all men are potential rapists because all men are animals who can't control themselves. My husband is not rapist. My husband is even more of a feminist then I am. This is an opportunity for men to stand up and say “I'm not a rapist. I can control myself no matter what a woman wears and I am not someone who needs to feared.”